Bad days.
Bad night last night.
Dun wish to talk about it.
I know i hurt him.
He hurt me too.
Hurt again. It just sucks.
Just when I tot I can entrust everything to him.
Are all these just a cycle?
I duno wat's going on.
seriously i'm really confused and scared.
Even though it seems ok already.

He's stress.
We're strained. He chooses to run away.
I duno wat to do.
He told me lies. It hurt me.
He knows I can't take lies. I'm confused. Really.

Emo hurt again.
Physically hurt myself today.
My jaw got dislocated.
Went to the hospital.
They tried to put it back w/o medication
but din work.
Put me to sleep... and got it back....

Some ugly pictures (Just 3) of my pain today:



When I just woke up after they put me to slp.



I removed the fugly bandage myself...



This hurts the most after my jaw was put back in place... apart from me heart. = (

Mr Ang, would you be there ?

My eyes are closing...
So tired! but am waiting for my hair to be dry...
Jus gotten home from a catch-up with my Yr 1 days dearies...
Nise, Na and of coz... Mama...

Had good dinner? Filling.
and i guess we really took lots of photos!
but then, Na's got all of 'em.
so... sorry! no photos for showcase now...
We had fun through dinner...
snap shots taking...
walking and more posing and snap shots!
and we're planning to meet up again on 10 July!

See Nise! i remember! dun have key in phone. = )

Tml's wed. Long day at work.
it's the JCI audit...
Tiring!!!! Can't wait for weekend to come fast pls...
and then I'm working on sat still...

Going for tattoo on Sunday... with darl.
Duno when can i buy my DSLite...
I WANT TO BUY!!!!!!!!! argh...
and I still want N95... so pretty...

Hmm...
As usual, am at darl's place now.
Waiting for him to finish work and come home.
Quickly!
I wana go walk walk.
wanna buy a new bag for work. (again)
Like wat they always say...
a woman can never get enough of shoes and bags.
and of course, clothes!

anyway, had big fun yesterday.
went K Box wif buddy and darl.
Sang from 8 plus till nearly 12.
Sang till i almost lost my voice.
Had fun switching voices...
from FIR's duet to Shin Yue Tuan's one night in Beijing
to Buddy's fav Wu Yan De Jie Ju...

Darl videod, took pics of us going crazy.
we sang from sitting, to kneeling on the sofa
till standing and standing on the seat...
call us crazy.
but we were really happy.
thanks buddy!
Eh... it's v costly lor.
u shouldn't really have foot the bill.

anyway... tml's monday again.
Monday blues...
and next sat.. i'm working.
and it's gonna be a long long day for me.
coz it's keke's bday bbq celebration.
Am thinking of getting my 2nd tattoo next sunday...
Should i???

I'm not at work today.
Din really expect it.
Took Family Care Leave.
Dad's injured.
Met up with a minor accident yesterday.

Fuck that van driver.
I curse him all the way.

anyway, bought breakfast for dad.
brought him to see doc.
and was at home... doing this...

then i tot of getting one for buddy:

then, i got vain...

and i tot of doing one for my friends!
all in all, to sum up my 3 yrs of poly days...

I hope this entry doesn't hang anyone's pc!!!

Fuck that emo aside...

jus some updates over the wkend:

Friday was Shan's Bday celebration.
Went to meet him at tamp first.

and being sweet, he bought me 2 gifts.

a necklace and an eeyore plush toy (i've been hugging it wherever i see it in dept. stores!).
thanks darl.
and i've been huggin' it ever since.
too bad din take any pic of it.
and it's at his place. prob squashed by him tonite...

Random Pic:



this was taken when he was having a flu...

anyway, back to the main topic.
we went to waiting bar...
erm... not very my kind of place.
we left early. coz darl got to work on sat.

and i heard they went MOS next. how can!!?? (esp w/o me?!??!)
ha.

sat...
initial plan...
go ikea walk walk. then to pasir ris beach walk walk some more. and have dinner at fisherman's village.
BUT...
hey hey, my dudess called me.
the trio... Asri and Effendi...

we met up at east coast. of coz wif darl.
for dinner. heavy dinner. with seafood.
and alot of ayam... thanks dudes...
then it freaking rained.
bypass this stall selling keychains.
and darl bought another eeyore for me. (thank you darl.)
and effendi got for himself patrick(s) from spongebob.


Random Pic:



I love this pic of his... so cute... taken b4 he knew me...

Was still raining.
we took a cab to parkway.
had a short round of pool game.
with me not playing.
and left. (still freaking raining)

Sun.... (today)

Darl went work early morning.
me woke up at 9 plus.
came home to bring fluffy for grooming.
yes. she's botak once more.
and got dad out for brunch.
and went back to darl's house.
watch vcd and rot...
tat was pretty much... all that happened....

i had a pic posted of the small eeyore and the necklace here....



the pendant has the words "I Love You" on it... in case you're wondering...
Cute Eeyore... too bad the big one is not ard...

That's all.
Good nite.
Back to work again tml. Sighz.

Fucked up.
Fucking sian.

Bored.
Boring.

Where have my fun days gone to?

see my msn: confused.
few mins later: wtf is wrong wif me.
another few more mins later: F-king EMO.

tat's me for today. the whole of today.
and partial of yesterday.

nah.. nothing wrong between me and my dar.
jus me myself.
doing some soul searching.
duno.
ended up feeling confused.
felt some freakin prickin pain in the heart.
darl din make me sad.
i'm jus upset (wif) myself.
i tot i jus wasn't honest wif myself.
not being myself.
been having weird dreams for 2 nites.
insecurity arising duno since when.
the heart once again dun wanna listen to the brain.

but at least i'm much more sober this time round.
i hope so.
i seriously duno wat i wan.
can't think straight.
can't focus.
seems lost. but not quite.
where's me?
lost.
i hope darl can bring me back.
i love him. but i think, he loves me more.
i feel bad.

jus like how it was when i was wif kelvin (mr toyota)
not fat cat.
i hope it wun end the same way.
my emos destroyed it once.
i jus assured darl i'm fine.
but myself...? feeling insecure.
insane.
yes. i am.

darl has brought me through wonderful times ever since we got together.
jus wan to thank him... a zillion times is never enough still.
he's really been nice.
i'm happy i've got him.
i prob jus need him to help me find myself...

Feeling pretty down at work lately.
Restless.
hence, alot of careless mistakes.

new colleague coming in on Monday.
She's LSL.
Boss = > LML
Exec to be = > LYL
Myself = > LWL
Admin n Ancillary Team belongs to the L_L empire!!!!
hahahaha.... LAME i know.
but so much of a coincidence rite?!

anyway, i just received a letter from SIM.
Soooooooo Heng ah... I din go apply with SHRI.
Otherwise i sure waste money.
I din get myself into the July intake PT course.
but they reserved my a place for me for the Jan 08 PT course!
which means... I've got myself in!
the only thing now is to send the reply slip and wait for their acknowledgement.
So happy.
but i know i'm not very expressive...
cause...

I miss Darl...
Mr ANG!!!!!!!!!
Reservist for him tis week all the way till Friday.
So no bowling for him... and indirectly means...
i dun get to see him mid week.
only got to wait till Friday or even Sat?

Anyway, i wana shout out to all my friends:

I miss ya all!!!!

Take care and Have a nice... day?

Good morning!
You barely see me blogging/logging online at this hour...
yeap... 11 am. on a sunday?!
like i'm mad rite?
not really...
din club last nite...

Went bugis to find aunty loh, fat cat and yee yee ytd wif darl.
so happy to see them! miss them alot. esp aunty loh.
she has really been a very nice aunty... like mummy to me.
i mean not only to me... but to many others in the shop as well.
but i'm sorry i got to resign. not that i dun want/love to work there
but i can't. afterall, i stop working there for 4 mnths!
i guess it doesn't really make any difference rite?
with or without me. i know i'm going to damn miss cooking takoyaki.
but then... for the sake of my work, future i guess i got to stop that.
Happy to see fat cat too! hahaha. he'll always be my fat cat.
and yee yee... hahaha...with that damn low pitch "Ah Li..." (acting La Pi Xiao Xin)
bought them starbucks each! and i enjoyed my Ice Coco too!

Once again, I'm MIA from home.
Like wat Ms Yien said, I'm at Tampines Chalet.
hahaha... yeap. waiting for darl to come home. (working... sighz!)

Been feeling restless about work lately.
dun like to OT anymore. dun get the drive to work so hard.
Having monday blues like everyday! it's everyday blueeeee...
when it's 4+ pm, the 'want to go home!' feeling jus dawn upon me everyday.
Wat's going on?!? it wasn't like this before!
i duno why. but i guess it's a gd thing too.
working too much/late is not tat good for an assistant also.
but then the executive better work... dun make life difficult for me!
hahahaa...
got new colleague coming in
my boss, ms may so happy.
she definitely can lighten our workload but still...
let's hope she stays put not like khad... who left so fast = (

anyway, i thought through about it.
I guess, if my application to RMIT fails, i dun think i wanna apply wif SHRI first.
the fees are just way too expensive.
Do i really need to ? after all it's Curtin. Like not very good lehz...
forget it first eh? work hard.
save more money for my other plans first.
travel, car... shopping!
hahaha... i wannna shop... but i dun really know wat i wan to buy.

I know i wan to get my DS Lite soon.
can help me kill time when sometimes i'm really bored you know.
but then... the GST rebate is only coming in in July. one more month to go.
and tat reminds me of keke's bday.
ahahaha... Buddy! prezzie or cash? Cash better right?!?!
eh, miss u ah... hope to see u later! hahaha...

Long entry yeah? coz i'm bored mah.
no one talking to me over MSN. so boring!
ya... my friends like me. dun come online so early...
hahahaha.... better luck later!

I tot i wanna blog quickly here
and then go ZzZzZ...

Went M.I.A from home since Friday evening.
went to darl's house... and stayed over...



he left me alone while he went work on sat.
for those online at MSN will know!
i was Rotting all the way man!

He came back and we went town!
supposed to go for my tattoo touch up...
ya i know i have been talking about it... sighs...
probably some other week...
shop for a top for him...



and heels for myself (no pics sorry! shoes at darl's house now.)
coz we're meeting the poly girls!!!!!!! (AFTER SO LONG!!! I MISS THEM ALL!!!!)
for pubbing session... who? (Mama, ade, shan, jean, ah boon! and more!)
Lots of fun...



and him being cute:



went home at 3 plus.... woke up at 9 plus...
acc darl for bowling session and nap again in the nooon...
nothing much...
am a happy girl now. why?

1) I got a understanding bf.
2) I lost weight again! hahaha

I am so bored!!!!
ahhhh!!!!
nothing to do.
can't find anyone to chat online. = (

Planning to go get my dolphin touch up today.
am at darl's house right now.
waiting for him to come home.
din eat anything since ytd noon after i came back from Navy.
afterall, all i had there was... cheeseballs and 2 cans of ice lemon tea.
surprise that i wasn't really feeling that hungry enough to make me dig for food.

anyway, i weigh myself jus now using darl's weighing machine.
duno if it's accurate... but if it is, i'm gonna be darn happy lor!
hahaha... hitting my targetted weight soon tat means!
I haven been jogging for two weeks
coz i'm down wif cough and flu.
not very advisable rite? Unhealthy also.
but i'm still happy! hahaha... I'm a happy girl lah...
for now. and for a longer period of time? i hope so!
shall cross my fingers!

anyway, went out to buy mcdonalds for brunch.
yet to eat. but now like not hungry lehz.
must be the soya bean that makes me full.
waiting for time to pass... it's real bored...
5 pm faster come!!!!

i wana complain!!!!!
ok i'm not tat angry but i'm irritated!
by this freaking TAXI DRIVER.
SO FREAKING RUDE!

I was taking the cab wif dar.
and being the first time sending me home,
of course i have to giv directions to the BLOODY RUDE TAXI DRIVER.
so i was telling him to turn right.
but guess wat?
HE IGNORED ME!
i told him to turn left to the carpark and he IGNORED ME AGAIN.
i had to tell my darl to TELL HIM TO TURN RIGHT.
he TMD RUDE LOR.
ANGRY.
MEI LI MAO!

anyway, i'm on leave today.
hahaha... wasn't in the mood to work this whole week anyway.
partially cos i am still sick.
down with flu and slight cough.
sighz... and i was involve in the Movie Gala ytd.
pretty fun and interesting.
i mean it's some new experience to gain.
and not to forget, we get to watch PIRATES FOC!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha
and yes the movie itself wasn't really satisfying.
but still i love it!
i jus love this movie triology lah...
jus like LOTR. I'm a LOTR fanatic.

and today went to navy open house!
it's open today for navy personnel.
so my bro brought mum and me there.
darn hot weather! just kept sweating.
and i'm so slpy now.
prob will be napping soon...

still sick.
tired.
slpt for almost 12 hrs today.
slpt at ard 5 am... or was it 5.15 am?
and woke up at 4 plus nearing 5 pm this evening.

and today, i can't feel my tongue. it's numb.
and my mouth taste bland.
sickening feeling.

went st james last nite wif chris and her bro and frens again
scold me... ya... for clubbing when i'm still sick.
i know i deserve it la.
but then it feels worse to coop up at home the whole day.

had fun dancing yesterday.
been sometime since i stand near the stage.
got pretty hyper last nite.
but it ended a lil' early.
guess coz i was sick la...
and the ang mo really make me laugh until i drop....
waHaHAHahAHA...

sick sick sick...
the whole world is sick.
including me!
this new virus is so bloody damn strong.
and it's spreading faster than fire!

my office is going to be half filled wif sick ppl!
it's really bad.
and i'm not feeling gd either.
the damn virus makes u feel down most of the time.
sighz...

went to SIM to apply for RMIT's july intake this morning.
i can only hope coz i know the chances of getting in is pretty slim.
i din meet the criteria of having 2 yrs of working experience.
but jus give it a try. no harm rite?
and i called up SHRI to check
they dun require you to have and experience...
so next week i'm goin there for another hit.
wat's with the working experience?

feeling kinda drowsy.
maybe shld go get a nap soon...

Ehyeh... this blogger's toolbar is so out of place...
ain't the administrator gonna fix it?
watever! stupid...

Jus back from Boiler Room (again)...
I had a lil' more fun dancing today coz...
i was there for a longer period of time?
Was there wif Chris, and her friends.
hahaha.... and guess wat...
I saw the 'hooded' guy again!
He's still 'hooded' haha... and groovin' his funky move...
The place still v much crowded as before...
and there's alot of 'Ang Mos' tonite...
and thus, there's a lot of spg there as well...
Anyway, would like to say a big thank you to Chris's friend
for signing us in and for the drink.
and not forgetting Chris as well... for sending me home.
Thank you v much!

Feeling a lil' tired.
Have been trying to clear the 'mountians and valleys' of p-files on my table.
I did it. and now they are back.
and next wk i hope to clear them all off once and for all for the rest of the month.
hahaha...

went around town wif Ms Yien n Gracey after work today.
bought another pair of pants!
almost bought alot of things
luckily, i din.
hahaha otherwise i'll be broke lor.
anyway, we had dinner at ichiban... hmm... and they are already planning for next friday.

Have been thinking read hard for the past 2 hours... and yesterday noon.
cos ms gracey asked if i've plans to further study.
and of coz my reply is YES.
she was suggesting for us to apply for it together... she actually did it already.
it's jus the thought of going for classes together... ain't that bad. = )

So i sat there and think... i stopped thinkin due to work.
but tonite, i think again!
i'm caught in the middle of SHRI wif a B Commerce (awarded by Curtin)
and SIM wif a B Bus (awarded by RMIT)
I wan to do HR for sure. but at this point in time,
i'm not sure do i really wan to specialise in it fully ?
i still have a long way to go!
and it's bothering me why SHRI awards it as B Commerce
when the whole module is nothing but... HR modules.

I seriously think i need some guidance and advice...
anyone there to help???

Hmm... is there something wrong wif blogger? Why is the layout so weird?!?
It says there's error on page.
And i've been wanting to blog since sunday.
and i din. I shall jus heck care and try blogging today!

anyway, I almost forgot wat i wanted to blog about!
aiyeh... recalled.
it's about boiler room.
finally went there on sat! after missing out for 1 mnth!
one full month!!!!!! shucks!
hahahaha...
well am kinda disappointed...
coz my fav Alia and the Raw Energy (tat includes Zuley!)
is no longer performing there!!!!
WTF?!!?? where have they all gone to?
I seriously miss Alia! Really! and the all so lovable Raw Energy!
and now it's Soul Fusion i think...
dun like = (
but i still wan to club lah. hahahaha...
at least they play my fav song (at the moment) when i was there.
somehow, seems like the DJ's changed too.
the music mix n style and vocals is so much different from the boring chinese DJ.
but i still miss the Indian DJ who was there when i first visited boiler.
Oh ya, i saw that guy who was helpin me and the girls down the table top dancing on sat.
such a coincidence! anyway, boiler's really getting squeezier!
hahaha... tat's not a bad sign la..

Was at St james wif Chris and her bro and gang...
hung out at Powerhouse for few hours b4 heading to my long awaited boiler.
Strangely enough i din get rashes this time round.
despite her bro tried to feed me wif more alcohol.
which smells so alcohol! but actually din taste that alcohol. Geddit?
quite already though. but sad to say when i went back to look for my drink
it's gone!
hahahaha... i bet his frens drunk it all... bottoms up.

anyway, i'm looking forward to go club again!
I wanna go MOS, dblo, Momo, Devils', Clinic... yada yada yada...
the list jus goes on and on...
any takers?
please feel free to let me know ok...

haha... in the very mood of clubbing.
and i'm lookin forward to go for touch up on my dolphin.
and maybe sometime later get my tribal done up.
Hey bud! where are u?
hope u are doing fine!
I miss u! take care!!!!!!!!!
everyone else too!

First entry of the month...
ain't quite a gd/memorable one:

I've no idea what has gotten into me.
been feeling kinda restless lately.
anyway, slpt early last nite...
was dozing off even b4 the clock strikes 12.
tis is pretty unusual for me...

woke up... after a long slp.
din really feel good coming online and chancing upon this three words:
多莉丝
dun bother to ask. seriously.
so today's weather kinda describs my mood.
no sun...

feeling ain't great. but still not that bad.
somehow still dun wanna lose the idea.
but then dun wanna get carried away.
gotta keep reminding myself. and this is not helping...
not really sure what can i do about this.
it's more like bitter-sweet memories.

rotting myself at home...
missing the feel of being on big boy's toy
where the wind gushes on ur face...
feeling slpy again.
i duno wat i wan... emo emo emo.
very emo... frustrations rise from within.
but not emo enugh to make me cry.

seriously, it's not a gd feeling.
i miss clubbing!
when can i go again?!?

I'm basically so bored today.
that i'm back in to blog...

i've got ironing to do... but i'm so lazy.
i've got minutes to write...
but i'm soooo bloody lazy.
recalling the meeting was really a turn off.
so much said. and thinking of who's gonna vet my minutes...
really stop me from goin any further.

ahahahaa..
kinda sianz.
i've been lookin at my dolphin for duno how many times already!
and am applying moisturizer to it...
it's scabbing! so fast...



can't really tell from the pic. but it is.

my artist told me not to pick my scab...
but lookin at it... i so feel like wanna help it scab faster...
ahahaha... but then
i'm very obedient lor.
i din! and the min i woke up, i washed my dolphin...
and applied the 'cream' he gave me.
twice a day. no swimmin for 2 wks.
all clearly printed into my mind.

i want my dolphin to look nice.
so better take gd care of it... hope it heals real fast...
and maybe dun have to go for any touch up...
that actually depends on the scab...
i'm so worried now that my pants is gonna affect the scabbing!

if only i can wear jeans to work!
coz they are all either loose or really low cut.
well....
you can see i'm really so bored that i'm starting to talk to my blog.

I'm seriously not myself lately.
Thanks to .... = )

Hmmm... happy!
excited.
coz i spent money again today!

$340 gone jus like thaT!!!!!!!
i got a new pair of specs.
will be collecting it some other day.
initially was goin to spend more
coz i like another specs... it's bloody expensive
coz it's D&G.... match my phone huh...
but then thanks to chris...
she somehow managed to stop me!
ahahaha... otherwise i may be really regretting now.
but i still like it alot!!!!!!
maybe nextime when i earn alot huh...
cool lor...

and i got something else...

tat's going to stay wif me for the rest of my life....



this is wat i got.. dun bother to ask too much...

i saw it online before.... and the original looks like this...



and i told the artist, to leave out the color and that round thing...
and he's so cute.... he can't spell dolphin... hahaha...
alrite v mean of me...
but he's cute la...
primitive... not a bad place...

oh ya, i've been receiving this same comment "Matrix!" from ppl who see this:



wat do u think??