Oooo well, long time no update.
Busy la. as usual.

work work work.
damn tiring and stressful till i fell sick last wk.
was catching the korean drama Goong aka Princess Hours for the past weeks.
So caught up with the show till now.
Am still listening to the OST. or rather... bought the OST.

Well, X'mas round the corner!
Merry X'mas in advance everyone!!!!

time for some pics...

more of fluffy to be exact...

firstly... may i present fluffy acting fierce...



coming up next... fluffy WITHOUT EARS!!!!



still more to come.... fluffy acting babyish....



Lastly... best pic of fluffy ever since she entered into my family....


before i go...

a glimpse of me... in my new specs... wif a my shuai ge... LOL

Had a v enjoyable bday the day b4.
Although din go anywhere...
but shopping whole day is really...
SHIOK!

started with fri,
xp and i went for steamboat at parkway.
i must say it's really nice.
highly recommendable 4 stars out of 5.
anyone wana go there makan?
loook for me ok.

then the bday prezzies note: prezzieS
not prezzie. she gave me really touched me.
thanks my dearest friend.
really love the pendant.
and of coz the dinner.

bday itself, went shopping...
bought the v3i gold... and the gold bluetooth.
bargained for a free hp pouch using my bday as excuse.
hahahaha...
got myself a memory card as well.
then bought a top and a jacket too!
finally, made a pair of new glasses!!!!!!! love it.
haha... will post it next time.

my grandmother, (paternal) passed away on 26 Nov.
well, we are totally not close to her.
thus... i'm kinda nonchalent about it.
i still miss my ah ma (maternal) alot though...

Am waiting for the D&G pouch and gold earpiece to be launch in SG
duno wat to get for me for x'mas?
get the hint. drop by motorola service centre then.
hahaha...

Change a new blog skin...
coz the previous one got complaint
probs browsing it.

Hope tis is better...
do giv ur feedback.
Thanks!

I'm still on the lookout for V3i Gold...

I really want that D&G V3I.

REALLY CLASSIC.

PRETTY...

Work...
is jus soooooo BUSY.
simply never ending!
my tasks jus piles up everyday.
but i'm really glad
that my collegues and my assistant manager
have been v tolerating.
Esp my assistant manager.
they are all v fun ppl in fact.
My da shi jie and er shi jie
both always teach me whenever i approach them.
also, the lovely Lydia from one of our contacting agencies.

Anywayz, brought fluffy to the vet ytd.
she's healthy. and she's 5! not 7!
yeah!!!
and we bought fluffy a new polka dot bed!
looks pretty cute n retro.
Lazy to load here la...
jus go to my friendster to see(if u like)

alrights. got to go now...
need to rest... tml is yet another day for war....

Updates!
Din blog for about a week.

Started work.
am still fine and happy with my job.
still able to cope coz the person i'm takin over
is still here...
and tat marks her official last day today.
20/10/2006.

Good thing i manage to pick up some stuff from her
and that my collegues are nice ppl.
The person i'm taking over is DORIS.
She's really a v lovable woman.
she dun really look her age (younger)
and she's really fun to be with!
her constant laughing and silly jokes
together with her animation acts jus make her
such a great collegue.
I actually felt lost today
coz i know from monday onwards,
life w/o her is gonna be hellish for me.
coz i'm taking over ALL of her work.

anyway, tat's about it.
BIG THANKS once again to DORIS.
Well wishes to you.
Oh, i do enjoy today's dinner with both you and susan.
and Thanks to Jessie for taking me to lunch at swensens.
really nice collegues i've got.
i hope my 1 yr with SGH recruitment office
would be a wonderful one...

p/s: my new tagboard is up. Guess tag-board.com is gone... =(

starting work next week.
kinda nervous.
have to undergo medical check up first.

x( coz of tat
i have to go through serveral blood test
from a normal one to a more detailed one
coz i have low haemoglobin counts.
anaemic? maybe.
bad experience with the polyclinic.

almost fainted this morning
coz they can't located my vein
and the doc kept pushin' the needle ard.
it hurts and the loss of blood jus make me giddy.

brrr.......

Updates!

life is pretty much the same.

work, fluffy, him and home.
more working days now
coz of the shortage of manpower
someone's down wif chixpox.
and someone's goin for a tour yet AGAIN
sighz.
5/6 days work for me every wk.
shiok huh.

btw, i went for another job interview today.
and it's a success.
and i'll be joining SGH in less than a mnths time.
it's like 2 wks from now.
everyone's thinkin of NURSE when i mention SGH
pls la... SGH also got HR department rite.

Ha-ha-ha.
wish me luck
coz they kept emphasizing on the level of stress there...
i better keep my fingers cross...

No idea what is wrong wif my internet/blogger.
been quite laggy...
anyways, i'm in to show u the
botak fluffy!

remember fluffy?



now, she's fluffy no more!!!



and i seriously think she looks like a soft toy at times....



well... that's all.
wun be bloggin much this week
coz i'm workin 6 days! damn tiring.
arghz...

A week or so since i last posted.
i know i'm getting lazier
towards blogging but hey,
my life's getting hectic!

here's how my daily routine goes:

Wakes up at 1030
Takes Fluffy for a walk at 1050
Return home by 1130
Wash Fluffy's feet, prepare food, clear papers by 1145
Wakes monster up at 1145
Prepare to go to work by 1215
Set of for work at 1215
Have brunch at 1250
WORK
WORK
WORK
knock off at 2200
if doin cleaning than 2245
Have dinner at 2315
Reach home, take Fluffy out for a walk till 2340
Feed Fluffy again, Dig Fluffy's ears, clear papers
which last up to 0030
BATHE time for US.
0100...
rest, sayang Fluffy. Internet, TV
up to 0300/0400
before sleeping
TIRING... or not huh...

quarrels been hiding ard the corner for the past 2 days.
sighz. when i'm already so tired.
why does his bike have to cock up again
jus like the owner huh.

i hope i can still on wif our plan in november.
and spend more time with Fluffy whenever possible.
oh yeah, Fluffy's BOTAK now.
hahaha. she's groomed till BOTAK!
WAHAHAHAHAHA

okay, as promised.

a photo of fluffy!



another one is at the left 'X' eye of the cyborg.
i only took 3 pic.

in case u are wondering, or concern,
i'm still ok. but the damn scratch wound does hurt...

din blog again.
was busy...

working tru-out over the wkend.

and apart from that,
i got a dog.
ok, i din buy it.
it was straying ard
when yee called.

anyway, i'm gonna post her pic soon
and her name's fluffy.
we got her a chinese name too...
xiao mao qiu... literally small fur ball.
LOL.

and today, i got attacked by a DAMN FREAKING STRAY CAT
jus bcoz i was tryin to protect fluffy.
FUCK THE STUPID CAT.
i had already pulled fluffy away.
and it came charging at fluffy.

today's my mummy's bday.
but a bloody day for me.
coz of that cat.
and i hurt myself while doin laundry
coz my wound hurt.
FUCK.

watched ghost game yesterday.
dun quite catch the ending properly.
lots of qns...
anyway, it's quite scary.
ooo.. i missed the cheesy hotdog they sell at GV.
mmmmmmmm... yummy...

went for the selection test today.
the place is kinda ULU.
and the test lasted for 4 hours.
not easy. REALLY.
i duno if there's any chance...
there's like 20 other delegates.

and after the test, i was drenched...
thanks to the rain.
even though i waited till it subsided...
it din really help
coz MFA's really located in a secluded area.
esp via the public entrance
it was raining cats and dogs.
and damn cold... BRrrrrr...

hope i dun fall sick

Been receiving missed calls for the past few days.
and all from PRIVATE NO.
so irritated with it.

first was on sunday evening
then monday evening there was 2.
then when i complained,
it stop for two days.
and today, at 9.15 or so
i got 2 missed calls again.
once again,
PRIVATE NO!
ARGHHHHH who on earth is that?!
it's v irritating u know.

and another irritating incident
i dun understand why singaporeans
when given free air at 90% of the coffeeshop space
still wana fight with the 10% of polluted area of smokers!
it's not as if there's no place for them to sit
there are a few more seats!
and this aunty in green
a blk 401 hougang ave 10
24 hours coffeeshop, SAT AT THE SMOKING AREA
at around 1040 pm on 24-08-2006
when SHE IS NOT SMOKING. NEITHER HER PARTNER WAS.
this is so inconsiderate!
still complaining about smokers?
think again. damn these no brainers.
act high class only.

received a call this morning
asking me if i'm interested in a job
which i agreed to in the slpy mode.

after thinkin when i woke up...
i realised i regret.
LOL
i hope they dun call me again.

and i'm going for an assessment test
next week at Ministry of Foreign Affairs
for a position i applied for ytd.

we'll see how it goes than.
i better not say too much
or expect anything yet.

i wonder is it tat nobody tagged
or izzit that my tagboard can't be found...
ha-ha

maybe i should clarify...
the navigations are on the 'X' on the cyborg
tat is, the boy/man.
and the tagboard can be found
by click on the 'X' on the pants of the cyborg
which is also coincidentally
located at it's private area.
savvy?!

anyway, been having my bro ard the house for a few days.
he's back. wif us.
in the past, dinner was him, her and me.
nowadays, or rather, these 2 days,
dinner was him, monster and me.
and i do think my bro is a PIG
we had BRUNCH together in the noon time
and after tat while monster and i was watching a dvd
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS (thanks to my bro huh.)
my bro went to slp.
he woke up at 6 plus
where monster and i were watchin tv and net surfing.
and asked: "Shall we go for dinner?"
i'm like...
WE JUS HAD A DAMN FILLING LUNCH!!!
and u slpt rite after that and wake up looking for dinner!!!
omg... he's a PIG.

yeah, the wake up, eat, slp, eat kinda routine.
anyway, we did went out for dinner.
my stomach's gonna burst...
and then he went out again...
my bro's a funny man still.
it's fun having him ard.

got to work tml. no news from the other jobs applied for yet.
and i did another application today.
still trying out...
wish me luck.

Tiring day today.
No idea why so.

Went for the interview.
i duno.
they sound more interested than I do.
LOL.
serious. but i'm still keepin my options open
for the other four i applied for.

We'll see how it goes...
gonna bathe now...
feelin sticky all over.
Eeewwww...

new blog skin DONE!
i think it looks great...
Comments are welcome!

interview at 2 tml...
Thanks xp for helping me print my resume!

Time for a new post!
and a new skin! (When i'm really bored)

this week was not as busy as usual...
but i had a lot to do as usual... = (

still it's his bike.
so many probs.
Big fight wif him tat nite.
2 nites.
but it's over.

i'm busying myself wif more job applications.
5 jobs applied on thurs.
and one got back ytd.
and interview on monday.

that's pretty much of life.
nothing else.

sighz.
i din make it.
well...
time for another one.

so frustrated wif myself.
not being able to think straight.
and only manage to sort out wat i should say
when i was on my way back.
wat am i doing.
stupid brain.

nothing to be glad about.
and i spent so much buying stuff
preparing myself
and bothering ppl ard me.
well...
i guess to cheer myself up
is to think of the lovely bag
and shoes i bought
and the way my monster looked at me
when i was ready to go for the interview...
and Na* dearie was in town today~~!!~
yippie! i love seeing her.
coz i really miss her.
mama, dun get jealous...
i miss u too. ok.

oooo... i got the interview tml.
i'm so stressed.
in fact, it's today.
like many hrs away...

and for tat,
i went shopping.
and i bought...
a pair of pants,
a pair of shoes...

and a new bag!

i love the shoes and the bag
the look kinda matching...
don't they?
hehehe...

and that reminds me
that i can't spend money anymore.
coz monster's bike is in the workshop (AGAIN)
piston jammed.
alot of money is v much needed.
sighz.

omg.
i'm so nervous
tensed up
scared.
stressed!
about tml's interview...

yawns...
tired. kinda long day today.
woke up and went for brunch.
then to tamp. to fixed up the headlights
of the bike. (troublesome)

then went to catch the movie...
stupid english name: dragon tiger gate.
it's long hu men
not much of comments
my monster said the storyline sucks.
i tot it was kinda PREDICTABLE.
i kinda forgot that i actually
watched the movie like 2 hrs later.
ha-ha-ha.

went walking ard marina sq
and suntec after that
before heading for dinner
and then home to do laundry.
and bike washing.
so tiring.

oh ya, bernie's bestie 'small girl'
called me today.
it was regarding the job that i'd applied for.
i got to go for the interview on friday.
and now i'm kinda stressed.
coz i'm thinkin of all the qns and
most imptantly,
my image. as they always say:
First Impression Counts
getting worried.
gonnna get some tips from Bernie
(u there?) ha-ha-ha.

i wanted to blog last nite
but i was too tired to.

anyway, went meeting up
wif my dear poly mates...
they are:

da jie: Jiewen
er jie: Jean
No. 3 : myself
si mei: Weishan
No. 5 : my MAMA
xiao mei : Adeline.

was fun seeing then again.
miss those school days.
and was quite demoralized
when they are all doin so well
as in schlin, working.
not like me.
arghz. no news from the job.
i duno wat to do.
life is getting aimless
i'm feelin so lousy.
sighz.
but i still love them all.

and it was Na's dearie birthday ytd!
i hope she got my sms.
anyway, happy belated my dear.
hope u have had a great time.

oh yeah, we caught the fireworks ytd.
i remember before that,
we were pretty reluctant to watch.
but then after seeing a little,
it's jus too prrreeettty to walk away.
ha-ha.
and the crowd was... mountain ppl mountain sea.
i think u get wat i mean.

i'm feelin so lazy now.
i see a pile of clothes lyin next to me.
i dun feel like foldin 'em up and keepn' 'em.
but i have to.
lazy. real lazy.

i should be stoppin. otherwise
i won't be slpin anytime soon...
with the cloths still sitting quietly next to me.

I back in like less than 5 hours!
to blog about some freaking incidents
that has been occuring lately
around bugis (at least it's where i witness)

i'm so irritated with these china-men
with their doings. i think i should blog it out
LOUD. hopefully. enough to warn those
who are doin cashiering.

ok look. it goes like this:

there's been 3 personal cases (HAPPENED TO ME!)
where 3 different china men
at 3 different occasion (but all of recent cases)
2 on one same day and 1 jus happened today
came to buy tako ball from me.

firstly, he hands me a 50 dollar note.
to make things simple, as usual,
i asked for a 20 cent. coz takopachi is $2.20
NOT $2. PLEASE READ. dun act blind when u are not.
next, the man will dig out some coins
and ask u to damn give him $48 dollars change
while he digs for his 20 cents.
it sounds perfectly fine rite?
NO IT'S NOT!
when u try to take the 50 dollar note from him
(to be safe) and give him the 48 bucks change,
he DOESN'T let go of the 50 dollar note.
he holds it damn tightly and yells at u.
asking u to give him 48 dollars change.
and if u do turn back and get him the change
(personal encounter wif one of them)
he keeps his 50 dollar note BACK into his bag
and when u return wif 48 dollars
he'll pretend searching for that damn 50 dollar note.
trying to trick u into believing
that u took it.

why?
so that he can bloody hell have a box of takopachi
for 20 fucking cents! and earn 48 bucks from it!
3 cases. in less than a week.
i'm alert enough together wif the aunties and fellow collegues
to keep watch on such faggots.
2 on sunday. one today. bloody hell tues.
and if u are wondering am i making this up
or being over sensative
sorry. NO.
it does not happen to me alone.
for today's case, the aunty at corochan came to me after she saw him
at my stall. and told me to beware
coz he was fucking doing the same thing jus now.
at corochan. confusing ppl wif his dollars and cents.
and i heard some of the neighbouring stalls
got tricked and had to fork up 80 over dollars.
for compensation sake.

fuck these china men.
fancy you coming to SG to cheat.
go back! to ur china.
i'm gonna see wat i can do to raise an alert for this.
this is really BAD.

i so wana take time to blog.
coz i'm so disturb by this person.
and this person proves to me that photos
CAN BE DECEIVING.

it's not our nation's well known blogger.
she's proud to tell u
that she uses photoshop
and i really admire her photoshop skills.
at least she admits.
but this person i saw ytd
was totally a huge turn off in person.

i came across her picture on the net
quite sometime back.
i tot she look above average.
until yesterday...
i COULD NOT recognise her.
it's really far from average.
and wat's worse...
i dun even know her in person
and it's like she's had a huge prob wif me.
attitude. that's the only word i can use.
i guess.
being the sensative and on-guard me.
i know she takes a disliking towards me.
i din mention a single word
for my monster's sake.
and i know for freaking obvious sake
she was gossiping abt me.
i ain't stupid.

but i decided to ignore it.
i remember this:
never bother about what ppl say.
coz u're living for urself. NOT THEM.

cool.

It's off day for me today again!
but i'm working tml when he's not.
Hmmm... not fair.
haz... anyway, haven been feeling really well.

my cough have yet gone completely
and i'm plague wif a new prob.
havin runs... to and fro the toilet
throwing up was minor.
my stomach isn't really itself lately.
i've no idea wat is wrong
and obviously i do not like the idea
of visiting the doctor.
it's of minimum pain
but maximum gross after every run.

life's pretty aimless nowadays.
i gave up pursuing my dream of buyin a car
by the age of 21 when i decided to commit.
i stop thinkin for myself for the future
and let life live me for the past many months.
i can't say few. it's been quite long.
it has always been work. home. him.
nothing else.
Bernie recommmeded me a job and i applied for it.
(Thanks a lot girl.)
and even before i get shortlisted for interview
i'm starting to think about many possible stupid stuff
like there's gonna be no chances of going out together
if i start working there.
Urrrrrghz. i hate this feeling.
when will i ever stop thinking of such stuff???
Sighz.

suddenly i feel so slpy.
no idea why.

it's off day today!
am i suppose to go jogging?
my cough and flu subsided but it's still there.
i duno if the body can take it.
i dun wana create a scene (imagine myself fainting)
this is ridiculously STUPID.

nothing much nowadays.
it's always work.
not that busy. i mean how busy can i get
with a part time job?
been thinking lately.
what do i really want?
really i dun have a clue.
i need to settle down to think.
not 'float' ard like this.

my monster finally knows how to think.
he wans to start a joint savings account next mnth.
hopefully 5 yrs down the road
there's better news to come.
but i'm unsure myself.
it's the old lousy line.
"It's not you. But Me."
i duno. i jus feel uncertain nowadays.
i think i got to plan perhaps.
i think i'm resistant to change.
jus like wat i learnt in HR.
sighz.

another week of m.i.a
busy with work.
and some other stuff.
haven been getting enugh slp
and am really sick.

my monster finally got his license!
yAy! and the photocard license jus arrived an hour back.
no more worries.
my day at taka really sux.
complaints from myself are more than anything else
i can spent the whole day complaining non stop.
INCREDIBLY SLOW BUNCH OF PEOPLE.
kill me or watsoever.
i will never go there to work.

i'm goin joggin later
wif my running nose and cough
i duno if it's alrite for the body.
geeez.....

bad day today.
i kept asking myself
wat's wrong wif me.
i'm so afraid. i'm having doubts.
more doubts each day
towards my r/s.
xp calls him the monster.
i think it's a nice name for him.

i received a call today.
and was asked if i could work on sat.
but at... TAKASHIMAYA.
ehz... i accepted the offer.
but i'm really kinda scared.
coz i'm afraid of the crowd.
it's diff from bugis.
and i'm unfamiliar wif everyone there.
i hope i dun get into any trouble.
i hope.

initially, i planned to go jogging on sat.
but then... i got to work.
i think i need to start planning a exercise regime
for myself. anyone interested???
(Bernie??)
most probably jogging in the evenings.
on my off days. i mean off-days
when i'm alone.
but this week i think it's gone.

he's having his tp on thurs early morning
and i'm goin down wif him
and sat i'm working at the dreaded taka.
so no off days left this week.
should start next week if everything goes well.
i better start it asap.
before the fats weigh heavier each day.
to hell with the fats!!!!!!!

July already.
my last post was June.
about my hair colour.

nothing much goes on nowadays
i'm still holdin on to one job.
yeah.
at bugis. and tat reminds me...
of my promised list of facts.
not quite done yet still.
LAZY ok. i admit.

went to devil's bar the first time on 28/6
to celebrate ma fren'z bday.
nothing else interesting.
nice to see my frens. close pals.
esp xp.
and something joseph said made me think about
my bf. hmmmmm...
let's not go into tat.

i've finished reading the two books i bought.
got to get some more i guess. maybe 2 books for a mnth
how's that... cool.
anyway. i'm gettin real bored.
and getting real FAT nowadays.
i dun jus say FAT for nothing
i am really growing FAT
coz i see the change REALLY.
it's jus saddening.
urghz.

I tot i'll come and update.
coz i did something to myself today.

a change
in my
HAIR COLOR!!!

and it costs me a bomb indeed.
not a v recommendable place.
but i still love it in the end.
so it's not tat bad either.
supposedly a haircut.
but the hairdresser coax me into this.

'nugh said.
let the pics do the talkin for u...




and for the next pic, i was only tryin to act cute.
i swear i din put any blusher.
i duno y i look pink.
REALLY




and i tot i'll end it with a classic pic!

been really long since i last posted.

the previous post did rake up a bit of prob
causing me to lose my job.
but wat can i say.
it's how i feel.
it's my blog. and it was injust done to me.
and it's the truth. you dun like wat u saw.
and did wat u wanted to already.
so let it be. jus like wat i've said.
i'm fine. i wun starve to death not working in the morning.
and one impt thing. u dun ever mention abt him and my work.
his behaviour has got nothing to do with my work.
u are way too much to say tat.
and ur outburst had really set me thinking.
i shan't elaborate further. coz it's jus makin me boil.

it's been almost a wk since i stopped workin there.
i'm livin a v much relaxed lifestyle now.
and i actually stepped into kino and bought books
for self entertainment purpose. tat's so nooot me.
for a long long time.

i'm giving myself a break in the meantime.
jus workin at tako.
and tat reminds me that i've got a
"Facts abt Tako" to blog about.
let me sort out the list rite first.
coz i've been getting real irritated by those customers
nowadays.
no more 3 jobs. back to square one. 1 job. + cleaner
i'm satisfied at the moment.
gimme a break from those silent pressure
from the 3 jobs. where nobody knows.
and i've made it clear to him
tat he in any case do not interfere wif my choice of jobs.
i hope so.

this post is going to be about work.

i hate to post this. but i'm really upset
wif how things are running.

I was given a choice who i should report to ytd.
I have not made any yet.
and it was being made without me knowing.
What's the point of giving me the choice in the first place?
Can i treat all those that i was told about ytd
as bullshit?
no i can't. but then you made the decision and said
i report to him. what's the choice for then?

I was told to keep my pc password protected.
cos i handle company finance in some way.
those files shall be kept private.
and i keep gettin ppl askin for my password.
i gave so many times. y can't u ppl jus write it down
and keep somewhere?
and someone has been using my desktop.
and had mess up my in-tray.
you ppl are the one who tell me to keep my documents protected.
and yet allow others to use my desktop by givin them access
by asking for my password again and again.
wat's the point of setting it up once again?
it's freaking rude to access a password protected pc
without askin for permission.
it's company information i'm talking about.
wat if some details got leak out.
who's gonna be responsible? me? NO WAY.
i set up a password. it's YOU PEOPLE who gave it out.
and then blame me? dream on.

I was told that i've been makin mistakes at work.
how can one not make mistakes
when somebody keeps making changes in ur completed work
and MESSES up everything?
i stayed on because you asked me to.
i see u as a friend. and i dun ask for too much.
that's y i stayed on to help.
despite much objections.
and now you ppl are making me think twice.
or triple times. perhaps more.

i feel stupid.

first person to say i'm stupid
for being wif him is HIS DAD.

then my mom says so
when we had a big fight long ago.

then now my boss says so too.

i am stupid.
i am really stupid.
i dun deserve to be around.
stupid people are jus a hindrance
to the society.
i mean nothing.
nothing to anyone.
i withdrew myself from my frens.
i'm scared
that my frens will say tat i'm stupid.

i dun wan my frens to know i'm so stupid.
i scared i'll lose them all.
but i'm stupid.
stupid enough to lose everything
jus bcoz of him.

one stupid girl crying to herself.
one stupid girl talking to herself
in the bathroom.
stupid girl tries to comfort herself.
stupid girl only wans jus 1.
1 person who loves her more than anything.
1 person who cares for her.
1 person who will be there when she cries.
and not make her cry.
1 person who can give her a hug when she needs one.
1 person who will lend her a shoulder
to lean on when she's tired.
1 person to be with her
throughout thick and thin.
stupid girl jus wans 1. 1 person.
nothing else.
stupid girl lost hope.
stupid girl lost her dreams.
stupid girl lost her life.
stupid girl lost everything.

i am the world's stupidest girl.

i'm back to blog.
i really can't bear to blog.
the previous post
personally i think i quite love it
with many many pics.

actually i dun have anything to blog
jus tat
i've been having this sushi craving for
almost 2 weeks.
and i jus started to have this
craving for ba zhang.
urghz.

things are work are getting complicated.
can i say it's politics?
between the directors.

oohh.. i caught the da vinci code the other day.
i haven read the book.
and know nothing except that
it's suppose to talk about some paintings
and the sangreal.
din know it was such loooong movie.

and i saw the poster.
i know.
i want to watch Pirates of the Carribean!
Dead's man Chest? issit?
can't remember.
jus call it part 2.
must watch...

and still at the back of my brain
i'm asking myself.
when is my sushi coming...
when can i have ba zhang...

and... i think i might be goin to genting
and kl in july again.
not so sure.
but he wans to go.
we'll see about that then.
i need more $$$

i'm back!
CAUTION: long post wif Pics!
in case u are wondering,
i'm back from malaysia.
the genting - kl - jb trip.
din get a chance to blog before i leave.
wanted to.
but he was hogging on to my lappy (lap top).

we set off for the trip early sat morning.
the bus left left golden mile @ 7am.
had problem slpin in the bus.
even though it was comfy (grassland)
the movie tape played was too distracting!
the show was a gross one.
with many screamings.
how do i get to sleep?! when all i hear
is screaming from the TV.
the second show was Fearless
can't slp. cos i was watching the show.
oh well.
only managed to slp when we reached KL.
which is about only an hour to our destination.

HOTEL FIRST WORLD. Aye. wat's so great about tat...
budget hotel.




oh we reached in the noon. but i took this pic at nite.

and wat happens the minute we checked in?




time is precious! only one day.
so we went around and this is the freaky place
in first world plaza...

check this guy out.





scary. we went outside.
it was cold and super hazy...







and before we go back to rest...




and i really like this pic alot.

down to KL the next day.

a pic which i tot it was a MUST take if u go KL...




we checked into federal hotel.

way better than first world.

bigger spacious room, wif bathtub for jus $8 more.
complimentry breakfast too!







and the nice lift lobby. unlike first world
which has only lifts.




from the view of my room, i see...
PLAZA LOW YAT! KL's 'funan'/'sim lim sq'




and down the streets... yummy food!
i forgot to take pics of the food we ate.
this hongkong restuarant serves great food.
and the outside of it... street hawkers...




and lastly, on our way back to jb in the bus...
we were really bored.

there's him acting cute...




and me acting fierce...




and us together...




tat's all~~~

yawnz.. i'm tired.
and time for ZAP ZAP.

down with flu.
and slightly feverish.
two damn days jus before my trip
less than 2 in fact.
it would be a miracle
if i recover by tml...

no meeting wif dearies for this wk.
why so, mama's busy.
and i was told ytd
i have to work today.
Awww.

Spent and will be spending quite a lot of $$
for this month.
i'm now very broke.
i have yet to pay my bills.
damn. should have stopped him.

we've book tix.
and i'm off to genting, kl and jb for this wkend.
we actually made a decision jus to go jb for one day.
but i have no idea.
how we both as though was being hypnotised,
could jolly well went to golden mile
and booked the damn tickets to genting and kl.
I TOT WE SAID NO GENTING till my Bday jus before over lunch???!!??
i have no idea why we go jus go straight into the agency
and talked... and pay up.
and then realised.
i tot we are jus goin jb and by ourselves???
he din notice too. till i asked him.
we were both in a dazed.
anyway...

as the previous paragraphs mentioned,
i'm goin genting on sat.
setting off on early sat morning.
then down to kl on sun noon.
and back to jb on mon morning.
then back to sg.
sounds like a busy trip.
and it costs me 300 over bucks.
minus the expenses of 150 bucks.
it's on dutch.

oh. i got a UZAP ytd.
he bought it for me.
well... i'll try to ZAP myself everyday
cept for those where i'm out of town.
and i heard my bro's movin back this sun.
no idea is it true or not.
he's always saying.
kor, action speaks louder than words.
dun disturb my peace can already.

and rite now,
i'm sitting in my office.
FREEZING away.
while chui yee, who's usually the one
freezing away... today it's me.
and wat's worse.
she's jus wearing a racer back.
and my nose fallin off from the sniffs.
and the usual. throat inflamation
due to too much heaty food.
diagnosed by ur's truely.
DUN TELL ME I'M SICK.
i still wana go genting.
i dun wan to feel so sick there.
and i have to take care of someone who
has greatly high potential of long distance
CAR-SICK.
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

nothing to blog about yet.

This post is specially for my dearies.
as promised.

I WILL BE FREE ON TUES EVENING!!!!!!

that's all folks.

I AM NOT HAPPY
i saw the kitten died b4 me.
I AM NOT HAPPY.

i saw the dead fist in the sea.
I AM NOT HAPPY.

WE HAD A BIG FIGHT YTD.
I AM NOT HAPPY.

i think about giving up all the time.
I AM NOT HAPPY.

i think of how much i've given
i think of how much i love you
i think of how you treated me.

I AM FUCKING NOT HAPPY.

I could jus die.

i duno how should i start.
i always start wif
tired
sleepy
indeed. i am feeling tired
and sleepy everytime.
coz i'm really v tired.
even the cashier at the petrol pump kiosk
could see.
i was quite touched
by the way that she took note of her customers
jus a few gestures,
she could tell him straight.
i'm in a bad mood.
and i look damn tired.
i feel cared for at that point of time.
i actually smiled back.
although i was havin my full-face on.

started helpin at eelingo ytd.
was quite worried that i could'nt catch up
yes. still quite a bit
due to the many small buttons on the cashier
and i'm too quiet.
i still dun quite like to talk to ppl tat much.
i mean the customers.
hope tml will be better.
He doesn't know that i'm helpin at eelingo

was feelin sad the past 2 days
am still feelin sad today.
the no-end fights we had.
really tire me out.
i'm startin to lose hope.
startin to give up
with his nonchalent attitude.
i'm not sure wat will happen to me.
i realised
i'm changing.
i'm starting to talk less
i dun wan to talk anymore.
i'm afraid i will be Zi Bi one day.
everyday,
i wake up not happy
go to slp
in tears
nobody knows.
and as for his fren.
i really hate him
wat kind of fren is tat of his.
he still consider him as his best fren...
i'm too disappointed.
i hate him.

sure a tiring wkend for me
i was workin since fri
and the crowd at bugis was
WOW!!
been a long time since we see such crowd
esp at tako.

really tired from all the working
next wk is gona be more tiring.
stress is piling coz of my admin work.
i need to do the report.
but i'm not given the info to do.
and i HAVE no EXACT idea
wat i have to do for the report.
really wan to scream help.
or feel so pek cek
tat i wan to throw back the work.
but my boss will kill me.
i dun think he understand la.
when u wan to complete a job.
and u dun hav the resources and info.
and u see the deadline pressin near.
u feel like dying~

anyway, thanks to effendi.
i love u la bro.
for orderin mcdonalds delivery
as a surprise lunch for me.
really. i was v touch.
thanks.

next wk, i'm v busy.
i'm workin at tako on
mon, wed, thur, fri and sun.
and total of 5 days.
and as for i found this (Wat my boss calls his co.)
tues to fri.
arghz........

Was in extreme disappointment
for the past 2 days.
ytd, was 27h April.
It marks the date that
we've been together for 1 yr
actually more than tat.
minus the first 2 breakups.

yet, the eve itself was already
an unhappy nite.
a fun day, but at nite,
he was back at his mad man mode.
multiple mentions of breakups.
all tat jus make me dishearten.
nothing else.
i've really tried so hard.
but yet he continues.

i dun understand
why is it that i always remember
our promises even at times of quarrel
but he doesn't give a damn?

On the 27th itself.
first thing in the morning he did
was play game.
can u imagine tat?
i feel so sick of the sight of him
playing the game EVERYDAY.
he did ridiculous stuff and
again mention upteen times of breakup
i almost... really almost let go.
thanks to effendi for his companion over the phone.
sorry to my boss anderson for disturbing u.
sorry to j.k for callin you.
i thought better of u.
but u really disappoint me as a fren of his.
thanks chui yee for encouragement.

i duno.
i was really sad for the whole day
i dun feel like talkin.
even though we sort of made up.
i wasn't happy.
even right now, i feel the pain.
it's no longer that painful
either it's numb.
or i'm already letting go slowly.
i duno.
i know he tried to cheer me up
but once again.
by buying the LOTR map
doesn't help.
i dun need those gifts.
i only wan him to consider
and think through hard.
wat he'd done.
i'm not saying it's totally his fault.
but things could be better
if he stop blabbering those breakups.
really.

i really feel sick and tired.

Gosh.
i'm extremely tired.
slpt late last nite.
can't help feeling extremely slpy.

i've got a task on hand.
irritating.
i squeezed dry my brain juice
last month and thought it's over.
then he comes back and tell me.
i wan a new format.
Urghz.
and still specifications unclear.
sometimes i wish he would do up
past mnths information
coz when he wans a new format,
and i have to refer, i know nuts
about what went on before i joined.

i have 3 incidents which are of 3 different moods
to blog about.
Amusing, Gross and Anger.

all three are true-life account incidents
experinced by myself.

Lets start wif the GROSS one.

I was at bugis junction last fri. evening.
and this lady, tapped on my shoulder
and pointed onto the road.
i looked over, and i saw a round shaped thingy.
i have no idea wat was that.
the first tot was.
"oooh.. some rubber from bypassin car..."
WAIT. WHAT'S SO INTERESTING THEN?
i looked again...
it's actually, a baby crow.
small little furry ball look-a-like
guess it must have fallen onto the road
while learning how to fly.
i looked up the nearest tree.
and i saw 2 adult crows 'crowing' away.
as if they're askin the baby to get up
and GET OUT OF THE WAY.
the traffic was on hold then.
Due to the traffic light. but it din last long
the Green light lits up.
and "Vroom" the first car went by.
close shave.
but the baby was still there.
unable to move.
then the second car went by.
"Piak". It went over the baby.
wat i saw was red substance squirting out.
quite alot.
GROSS.
and the two adult crows 'crowed' continued to 'crow'
jus tat it's louder.
and sounds desperate.
As though they are crying.

Tat's the first incident. Simply GROSS

second incident... perhaps the Anguish one.

I was working yesterday.
at tako. (As usual)
there's wasn't much left on the table for sale.
with one prawn and two bacon n cheese.
I was serving Customer A.
Then i heard customer C shouted out.
REAL LOUD. "Prawn one. I wan prawn one."
he was a big man. a father in fact.
and customer B was hiding behind customer A.
for wat i duno.
so i din see customer B and i nodded at customer C.
when i turn back to keep the cash from customer A,
i tot i saw a boy standing in front of me.
TAT is CUSTOMER B!
any fella wif a brain would say serve customer B first.
so i asked customer B.
he said he wanted the prawn.
1 prawn left. of coz i sell it to customer B.
sounds logical.
anyway, i haven collected any cash from customer C.
all i did was jus smiled and nodded.
then customer B bought the prawn and bye bye.
Customer C: "Prawn One. Prawn One."
so as usual i said: "Sorry sir, the prawn one u've got to wait for 5 mins."
guess wat this customer C says?
"AIYA. I ORDERED FROM YOU ALREADY WAT JUS NOW."
"THEN NOW STILL GOT TO WAIT."
"what u left?" "bacon? DUN WAN. I WAN THE PRAWN ONE."
"WAT 5 MINS? ARGH. FASTER LA."
i define this as a rude and no-brainer speech
especially wif his stuck up face.
i jus felt like shoving the picks for cooking
straight rite up into his ass.
you're a BIG MAN. ADULT. FATHER.
and u tried to jump Q.
FUCK LA. u know wat's a Q stand for?
Customer B is jus a BOY.
dun think u got a bigger and louder voice and body,
u can win.
and i should serve u first.
FUCK OFF. DUN FUCKIN COME AND THROW MONEY.
if you duno how to Q.
please go back to nursery or maybe ask ur daughter
to teach you.
and please learn some manners. i do not owe you anything
you are definitely RUDE.
i wonder how are you goin to teach your daughter.
another of such FAGGOTS?
GET LOST.

finally the amusing one... I find it amusing
but in any case, if you are one such victim
i'm sorry to hear that. but i guess you've learnt a lesson.
look out before u cross...

it was friday evening. same place. Bugis Junction.
for those who frequent there would know that
there's 2 pedestrian crossing from Bugis Village to Bugis Junction.
The one nearer to village has a wider road.
while the other nearer to parco has a damn small road.
and many times, we see ppl jay walking across the small one.
and we witness that many taxis/cars/motorists have to give way
to these Fucked up pedestrains even when
the taxis are having their right of way.
and there are those who are even more fucked up.
i really think that they are retarded ass-holes.
those whom when the cars horn at them,
they still take their own sweet time
and cross the road and even worse...
STARE AT THE DRIVER!
FUCKTARDS. really.
so on tat day, wat happened was,
i saw 2 traffic police.
standing in the middle pavement
in between the 2 pedestrain crossing (Btwn village and Parco)
and for every single one who jaywalked across towards village
THEY ARE BOOKED! WAHAHAHA
i find this damn amusing.
coz every single min. there's one fella who will jus cross
without looking.
some were really rushing for time
well too bad.
while there's others who tot they are so suave
to cross the road. and TA-DA!
stopped right there by the traffic police.
caught RED-HANDED.
and there u go. IC please.
WAHAHAHAHA.
SERVES THEM RIGHT.
so next time if u are thinking of jay walking.
STOP to look out for TP (Traffic Police) FIRST.
before u even look out for cars.
WAHAHAHAHA

i gotta change the first pic in my blog
real soon.

He lost the ring.
Wat can i say.

i'm keeping mine at home.
no idea will he be getting a new one.
if not.
i'm fine with.
starting to become more 'bo-chap'
coz too tired.

6 more days.
before its 27th April.

Many questions sets me thinking.
i think i need a long break
to help me sort out my thinking.

I was being offered another part time
helping out at ee ling's coffeestall.
it sounds really interesting.
besides, i have not done anything like that before.
i was given a choice.
but seems like i've no choice.

I knew he wouldn't like the idea.
As expected.
i mentioned to him about this offered.
his face changed.
he got frustrated.
and was even mean to me.
i was jus telling him about this offer.
something that i might wan to try out.
jus that i need some support.
but instead, i got his insanity.

he din quite like me working at ifound. too.
i duno why is tat so.
most prob because of the pay.
i know with my qualifications,
i can get more than wat i'm getting.
but right now,
i jus dun wan to get wholly involved and committed
to any jobs yet.
and i'm satisfied working here.
the pay might be peanuts.
but there's a sense of satisfaction.

i need some support to my decisions.
but he's not giving me any.
he keeps asking me to get my ass out
to work somewhere else.
i gave him some explaination which aren't
truely how i felt.
but somehow logical.
saying that i can gain more experience
and stuff like tat.
he seems to understand.
but i duno how much does he.

i jus felt so unfair.
to be given attitude
when all i did was to tell him the offered job.
he doesn't like it at all.
even though i tot i wanted to.
but i guess i duno how to.
i wish i could talk to my boss.
but he's too busy recently.
helping out at the coffeestall.
for the past few days,
his tantrums had been flying ard
anyhow.
as and when he likes.
i can't find anyone to confide to.
and only bernie knows what i'm talking about.

i'm glad that i have such a boss, a friend.
but then, i feel bad calling him all the time.
esp when he's jus so busy.
i really wish that my boss will talk to him,
wake him up from his child-like temper.
he's already 21.
and yet he behaves like a 12 year old kid.
i'm so tired.
like wat i told bernie.
i'm tired of looking after this kid.
he doesn't grow.
and it gets worse each day.
when i think back of the past.
how simple things were.
all i do is sigh.

Feelin a 'lil giddy.
not too well.
duno y. anyway i'm not bothered.
or rather...
not concern wif it.

went to escape theme park ytd
with him and his guy partners
1 & 2.
had some fun.
wasn't the best kind of fun.
was expecting much more than tat.

feeling kinda hungry right now.
no food for the day yet.
his bike broke down again.
super irritating.
this week
i'm not working tat much at takopachi.
any takers?
anybody wana meet me for dinner at ard evening time
pls let me know.
coz i still got my office job in the morning
and the cleaner at nite.
but i still have the evening to spare!
from 5 pm to 9 pm
it's about 4 hours.
Available days: Wednesday and Friday
tryin to make myself available for my disappointed friends.
i'm so sorry.
but i still cherish all of you.

urghz. i jus mention i dun wan to be bothered
my that sicky feeling.
but can't help.
giddiness + headache.
urghz.
tired.

Feelin exactly the same as my blog skin.
Really wana scream out DUNO LA.

After reading the post i feel damn irritated.
I really wish to find out.
dig out everything.
some facts might be distorted.
but considering the consequences that may happen
i jus feel so tired.

I hate those never ending fights.
most of the facts fall into pieces.
jus the time and date.
which is y i'm feeling so confuse.
jus when i tot i can trust...
i see this.
i really duno.

these few days, i've been feelin quite empty.
wat happened on mon... what made me leave blogged
tat short post
perhaps is the main reason.
buying games which i tot i've always wanted
is not goin to keep me happy and forget
how deep u hurt me.

i really duno.
i jus feel tired everyday.
i dare not hope.
seems like everything's been wrecked.
my life's been turn upside down.
and sometimes,
i jus wonder...
why are u still here...

i really duno. i swear i dun.
take me away from all these confusions.
i want to leave and never come back.
i jus dun have the courage to do so yet.
i duno.
i know... i've really tried.
and am very tired of trying.
i wish i could jus slp.
and never wake up.

He tore her heart up into pieces...
and expect her to smile again...

Very tired sometimes.
Many things
many thoughts racing tru my mind.

in the past, i was more carefree.
on a typical sat like this
most prob i would be singing k-lunch
and out walkin ard...

nowadays, i jus wana spend more time
IN at home.
home alone isn't bad.
every sat... i stay in alone.
tryin to relax.
but there's still work to do.

sighz.
the thought of workin on mon jus makes me sad.
i mean tako.
he's not working. i dun like the idea
then he's got off and i got to work at tako.
coz... i really wish we could jus go out.
after my morning job.
i dun like the idea of the second half of my day spoiled
it's spoiled. coz it's his off day.
and he's got nowhere to go?
i dun like it.

sighz.
i wana slp.
and dun wana wake up.
i've finish partially the laundry.
but the weather's not co-operating.
i have yet to lay the sheets.
the matteress is damn heavy.
i jus dun wan to think.
can i jus not think?
i dun like to have so many 'reminders'
'to-do-lists' in mind.
there's only 1 me.
and u ppl like to giv me things
that are not of my concern to settle for u.
waste money. waste time.
and take away my free time.

i hate this.

a brand new skin which took me 2 days to complete.

phew...

Jus read some accquaintance's blog.
which really makes me wonder.
and in fact fear for such a situtaion.
and this situation is somehow
slowly incurring.
the whole process has been trying to overtake
my mind.
my determination.
that's perhaps why i feel so drained.
so tired.

i was told that
there's no way u can determine the future
so u may not be able to have him wif u
forever, maybe not even tml.
so wat u can do now,
is jus to really treasure every moment u have wif him
this is something very true.
you duno when will he be leavin u
maybe he will. maybe he wun
but u have now.
make the most out of it.
have no regrets.
i understand but what about him?

people can be together for years.
and surprise frens wif a breakup or worse divorce.
wat is goin wrong?
is it really up to such a stage?
or is it purely by social influence?
i always believe in this thing call fate.
out of the hundreds people u bypass or meet a day,
out of the world's population,
u jus get attracted to this one and only one.
there's even better ones out there but u only fall for this.
it's a very miraculous thing to me.
i duno about the rest of u.
but spend some time thinking about this.
this not only applies to bgr. frenship as well!
so many ppl ard u in sch.
and u jus really like this grp u're wif.
i still rem my year 1 sem 1. most memorable out of all.
and the one dearest who is closest to me tru my poly days.
my mama. seems like personal commitments have cause some gaps
here and there. but i still do hope
our frenship still hold as strong as before.
G5 from yr 1... 6 jiemei from yr 2
it all jus form properly. jus like what they always say
Fate brought us together.
I love u all!

since fate has brought a couple together,
we must really learn to cherish everyone ard us.
everyone ard u is here for a reason.
even the one who irritates u.
they could be someone who's fated to irritate u in ur life
for one purpose:
to change and mould u to be a better person.

In a relationship, i think fate is magic.
it jus brings 2 person 2gether.
it's jus so magical.
but when i read the blog,
i felt so sad.
why give up so easily?
maybe i'm an outsider
and may not know. but perserverance
is wat that has kept me till today
where i am.

i admit that there are many times
and many 'chances' where i can jus let go.
but i dun wan to lose someone jus like that.

i still remembered the 'discussion' i had wif dear
the other nite at labardor park.
i hope he understands. and remembers.
if i were to be like him,
break up then fine. ok wif it, be cool jus let go,
we would long ago be apart.
sometimes, it's not jus about taking things easy
letting go.
is it worth? is there such a need?
sometimes, it's due to simple things in life.
and such can be overcomed together.
i really hope that he will hold to what
he had said that nite.
and the song he's been takin a lot of effort into learning
saying it's for me, and hold to the meaning.
relationship is v fragile.
those who are in one. please. treasure it.
although it might be broken before
scratches may be seen,
give urself, ur partner sometime.
things will turn for the better if u believe.
dun let go so easily.
coz it was nv easy getting know each other in the first place.
out of the millions in the whole wide word.
wat's more, coming to such stage.

*tREasUrE y0uR LoVe oNeS*

very slpy.
in office rite now.
boss, dun blame me.
coz there's nothing on hand for me to do.
so if i were to sit there doing nothing
101% i will fall aslp.
so i decided to come here to speak my mind.

am so slpy
coz last nite
went to the cemetery to pay respects
to my late grandma and grandpa.
dear was feelin unwell during the journey.
coz of the bumpy road.
and he ended up car sick. sighz.
left home at 145am or so
and reached home at 5.30am.
SPENT the whole nite at the cemetery.
Goshz. how can i not feel slpy???

and my tasks for today up till now
has been dully completed.
so there's really nothing much on hand for me to do
wanted to generate some new ideas
but the brain is like DEAD.
can't think properly.
jus like a zombie.
sighz.

i know i have things to blog about.
but i jus can't recall.
coz i can't think.

work recently has been v irritating.
i duno wat's wrong with singaporeans.
where's the courtesy lion???

I dun understand why the heck
do we need a Q for when ppl can't wait
while in the Q.
and where have their EYES gone to?
the is one not small. not ugly.
wif an octopus board saying "PLS ENTER HERE"
eh, as if singaporeans can't read english?
It's freakin irritating when they choose to
ANYHOW Q. and misleadin the Q.
and those KAN CHIONG SPIDER.
Hello? it's like u're NEXT in the Q.
and i'm serving the one b4 u.
PLS BE POLITE.
DUN BE RUDE. why do u need to place ur order
while i'm still serving somebody else b4 u?
where's ur manners? HELLO?!
and u still have to wait.
Oh bother.

wat else? those who like to fake it.
stand at one corner.
ask if u got these and that.
and u tell them to Q up
wat do u get?
A F-uped face. and walked away.
i'm workin as a cashier in a stall.
not a restaurant.
I DO NOT CHARGE service charge.
i DO NOT deserve any of ur F-UP attitudes.
so wat if i'm in a service line.
u wana try being treated like this?

and those damn rude china woman and old aunties
old uncles... watch this:
dun think u got more money,
u can freakin throw ur notes and coins like this
I AM NOT A BEGGER.
u're buying i'm sellin
we're in a business transaction.
GET TAT RITE.
freaks.

i'm very slpy.
wana catch some slp soon.

we finally bought the tv.
not plasma. but lcd.
as long as can hang... it's OK.
initially, he wanted to buy hp
and postpone the tv again.
but in the end we bought both
i signed up a new line for him
so people....
please please take note:

91903981 HAS BEEN TERMINATED.

before that, u could still reach me wif tat no.
even i wasn't using coz he was.
but now, no more.
those lookin for me, pls call 97693881.
for him, u can get from me his new no.
he's got n70 too.
3G is quite fun. really.
seeing each other's expression.
doin funny expression cheering each other up.
it's been of great help at times.

his bike has been givin hiccups these few days.
duno wat's goin on.
first the pipe.
then the jam.
now the heat.
and the latest... the brake.
Urghz. irritating.

after washin clothes i'm gona take a nap.
really tired.

okay, it's past 12.
HAPPY BELATED 21ST BIRTHDAY
to my DEAREST.
the day was quite well spent...
i wish that we can be like this
in the future.

on the eve of his bday
i bought a mini small tiny
cake form 4 leaves for him.
it's YUMMYLICIOUS.
and i went to new world order
to buy that polo t which he saw
and quite like the other time.
and at nite
we went to collect his beloved
motorbike.

bday itself...
we were both awaken by his phone calls.
was playin ard a little.
ticklin' each other.
before we went for brunch.
went to tune up his bike first
then we caught THE SHAGGY DOG
at bishan. nice show. really obedient dog.
had a drink at coffeebean
and went to bugis
wanted to buy new shoes
but no stock
and the uncle dun seem keen enough to do business.
instead he bought 3 pair of boxers.
then he wanted get something for me
from goldheart.
so we went bugis.

unfortunately, i only like the wedding band.
so we decided not to buy.
save more $$$
and got a pair of cheap couple ring from
the shop opp. goldheart.
still i'm contented wif it.
but i wun mind the goldheart one. Hehehe
and bernie, this for u.
I saw DAWN... she's in DRESS.
surprise for me. and her hair's longer.
we bought 2 full face helmet too.
and got some freebies.
spent quite alot today.
coz full faced helmets are costly.
he's gotten a haircut.
and i love it v much.

tml, we're goin to spend MORE MONEY.
he's doin up his bike
and we're goin' to buy
the very long awaited for plasma tv.
and we've given up the tot of buyin
the cute schnuazer
coz even though he's gotten the money,
we both feel that it's not wise keepin the dog
when we're both working from morning till nite.
so we'll be savin up a thousand at least.
and i'm gonna make him keep his ATM card at home.
i'm going to limit his spendin to the max
of 3K. the rest are goin to be safe kept.

hope tml will be jus like today.

i'm stressed up somehow.
every minute when i take a breather
and let my mind wander,
the tot of those reports to be done
the work i'm goin to face
and the meeting... is SCARING ME!
Lao Ban...
Wo Pa Wo Zhou De Bu Gou Hao.

This is something for my boss,

Mr. Anderson Lai:

Sagittarius Employee Profile (november 22 - december 21)

The Sagittarian employee is head strong,
cheerful, and willing to help.

They exude self-confidence
and take on tasks like there's no tomorrow.
They are willing to tackle even the toughest of projects
as long as it is challenging
and gets them out of the routine.

Lucky for them,
their shining personalities and honest enthusiasm
seem like a bright spot in the office
otherwise co-workers might begin to build animosity
towards someone so arrogant and extravagant.

Their tendency to exaggerate
and take on more then they can handle usually results in
missed deadlines and dropping the ball
not because they are lazy of procrastinate,
but because their enthusiasm
just gets the better of them sometimes.

Don't let their nonchalance fool yout
they really do care about what they are doing.
They just have an easy-going attitude
that allows them to keep on smiling
even when they just messed up big time.

Just because they are flexible and easy-going
doesn't mean they won't tell you exactly how they feel
what is working for them and what isn't.
And they won't just blindly take orders
they need to understand the method and reason behind the process.

If you are trying to motivate your Sagittarian employee,
be sure to feed them plenty of challenging new projects
and hint that some business trips might be on the horizon
once deadlines are met.

And whatever you do,
try not to question their intentions
it is the quickest way to make them upset.
They aren't capable of deceit.

my working profile.
As for wat is FU LI, i will answer u again
when i get the inspiration.

i can't think straight now.
i'm very confused.
very sad.
there's a heartache in me
which i can't describe.
it's so painful.
that i wana cry. but tears jus wun flow.

like the past few times.
we had the kind of incorrigible fight again.
where he would be yellin' at me.
pushin me away.
giving me cold shoulder.
being sacarstic.
claiming that he's goin to move back
and last but not least, break up.
it all started with the dream i had.

it was a nitemare to me.
imagine ur partner tellin u that it's better to be friends.
someone u gave all out to, saying that to u.
i conclude that this dream came abt
simply bcoz of the insecurity i have.
it is something that he can't provide for.
i dun ask for much.
jus some words of assurance.
and this in turn lead to a huge quarrel.

and now, he's ignoring me.
saying that he's goin to moved back on mon.
claiming that he's called his sis.
which he din.
he says he loves me no more.
and hates the sight of me.
he does this everytime we had big fight.
this is not the first.
cny eve was one of those.
pushin me away.
which gf could tolerate such? i really wonder.
except for myself.

i believe u readers out there might say that i'm stupid.
i must be blind to fall for such a guy.
he by the way, really has nothing.
i mean i dun look down on him.
i jus happen to love him in such a way that
I DUN EVEN KNOW WHY DO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.
most of the time, i call myself stupid.
and i do think i am.
so much sacrifices
and yet i'm still hurt.
he jus promised me ytd that he would try his best
NOT TO ANGER ME.
but yet...

i duno. i'm really very confused by myself.
one side of me has really reached the limits.
I REALLY WAN TO GIVE UP.
if he really move back on mon,
i wun stop him.
i'm really tired.
very. very. tired.
yet,
the other side of me...
jus one small part of me shouts out...
no. dun.
i jus need to speak to someone.
i really need to talk to someone.
i duno where to go.
i'm LOST.
i need help for directions.
someone PLS TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
as i've always said...
if i give up this time round,
history will never ever repeat itself anymore.
i will completely forget every bit.
no matter how painful it is.
i will perservere through it
and forget this thoroughly.
i know i can do it
that is why i am hesitant about giving up.
coz i know deep down inside.
no matter how tired i am...
no matter how upset
how disappointed, how angry
how watsoever,
there's one part of my heart that belongs to him.
it has already been given to him
and i still love him
blind and stupid me that is.

too many chances i gave silently
in the past.
which is why i believe,
he has taken for granted.
last yr... 2 wks before cny.
cny eve... the drunk phonecall he made.
how it ended for the second time
all that... were still clear and fresh in my mind.
how he had called me when my grandma passed away.
till the day i decided for a third time.
that is 27th April 2005.
how i kept reminding myself to let loose
till how we got closer.
to how we game every nite together.
the maple story craze. which i will nv forget.
the day where he first came to my hse.
the fishing day.
the day he moved over due to the fight wif his father
bcoz of me.
till the day, he got his bike
the many quarrels we had.
till this very day.
99 out of a 100 words he said to me...
i can still remember.
so much given... and so much pain received.
i'm tired. exhausted. drained.
physically. due to my hectic lifestyle.
mentally. due to all these.
emotionally. u know how this comes about.

i swear i really duno how long more
can i last.

Jus read jojo's blog.
Chinese text. Hmmm...
i tot i could read most of the characters.
but I DUN UNDERSTAND what is she saying.
LOL. it's either her chinese is too gd
or, i've lost chinese.
but news on Jay in the chinese papers
definitely CATCHES my attention. *grinz*

was sick on last fri.
another attack.
he said i turned YELLOW. not pale.
anyway, got well at nite after resting.
though i was working.
collegues were kind enough
to let me take all light chores instead of serving.

anyway, dear's bike is now away at the workshop.
there's some problem.
so wun be riding until his birthday
tat's when he's collecting it back.
and it's jus 8 days away.
i duno if i should get him anything.
coz i did told him his n-gage
was a bday + v day present.
feel like gettin a small gift.
anybody got any idea?

my butt bone is aching whenever force is applied.
i duno what to do wif it.
i dun wana see a doc.
my jaws getting loose.
can't open my mouth wide when i yawn.
scary.

today dear was quite sweet to come down to meet me after work
despite the fact that
he has to take a torturous bus ride.
we went to take brunch together
and walked around the pasar malam.
he bought a new hp housing and pouch for me.
coz i lost my grey pouch
and he din wan me to sratch my phone.

we had a deal of junk food today.
pasar malam food + pizza = junk
still bloated.
getting slpy.
sighz.

jus hope more ppl will log online.
hehehe.
thanks a million again to jojo.
who's been really nice
to accopmany me ALL THE WHILE
the other day.

din blog for the past few days.
had some fun though.
despite the quarrels n squabbles.
all bcoz of his temper again.

anyway, he got off on wed and thurs.
so on wed, we went shoppin.
was suppose to spend more at pure milk
coz we had the discount vouchers.
but ended up we spent 2 times more at newbie.
ANYONE WANS PUREMILK $10 off every $40 spent?
PLS GET FROM ME. expiring on 15th March.

we went to jk's new workplace after tat.
acc him to send doggies.
his job invovles transportation
and MANY doggies.
love the doggies.
and punggol jetty at nite again.

thurs was BX last day b4 NS life.
so we acc him.
went to haw par villa...
took some pics.
i've yet to relocate my pics to another host.
so now i only upload one or two into my frenster.
went to mum's fren'z pet shop at nite.
planning to get puppies.

goin off now.
jus a tot of a short blog b4 my nite 'job'
and i'm starvin!

there's nothing much at work.
pretty much the same thing.
can i say... it's quite borin?
i'm either processing claims and invoices
or i'm jus compiling data.
sad to say...

complains started at the 2nd day of work.
Y so? coz the job scope is different
from the job description.
i can't say the atmosphere is relaxing here.
even though i dun have heavy workload
y? coz it jus feels as though i'm being watched.
i dun quite like the position of my PC.
it should be place at the right corner instead.
and i dun need the phone.
anyway, the phone is kinda faulty.
i tried to pick up calls. and they jus can't hear.
uh-huh. Anderson Lai is goin to read this
and he's gonna kaobei at me again.
=P
Everynite i go home and tell him
wat i do at work.
How it feels like. It's simple tasks.
But it jus dun feel good.

DUN THINK IT'S UR 6 DOLLAR OK.

AIYA. watever it is.
i wan to faster get tru the 3 mnths contract.
It's pretty draining taking 2 part time.
imagine u work from 10 am till 3pm.
and u got another job at 4pm.
u have to go take ur BRUNCH.
and sometimes, ur in-charge comes in at 2.50pm
gives u something to do.
and u have to finish before u go off.
by then it's alread 3.15pm.
u walked over to buy food.
with the Q and all tat. Reached ur 2nd work place
at 3.30pm. half and hour to eat and slack.
sighz.

and u look forward to SAT only.
the only day u tot u can slp late.
but then, u got to wake him up.
see him to the door when he leaves for work.
talk to him on the phone till 1 or 1.15
then do some housework.
talk to him at 4 or 4 plus again.
then off to do ur own stuff or housework.
take a nap. wan to go out.
but half of ur off day is gone.
and at nite, 8pm, got to prepare
to go help him out wif cleaner.
and there goes my ONLY OFF DAY.
SIGHZ. I miss singing K-lunch.

duno what to do with my kind of lifestyle.

first and foremost,

big thanks to big boss.
for chatting wif me in the morning tru' msn.
u know wat i'm talkin abt big boss.
if u were not online,
i would had created news headline.
hahaha.

thanks alot.
my dear readers,
if u happen to wake up early in the morning
at 10 plus or so.
pls log on msn.
i would love u so.

today was actually quite tiring.
i duno y.
i felt so slpy.
and i fell down in the shop.
now my butt hurts.
so painful. lucky no one was there.
too slippery. and no energy to fight it.
i guess that's y i fell down.
sighz.

tml is yet another day...

Very angry.
Very upset.

Why must vent ur frustrations yet again
on me?
U ought to know or should i say
u jolly well know that the medication
causes drowsiness.

and u choose not to rest
so u went out.
and kept complaining that u are slpy.
U DESERVED IT.
stop saying that i dun sound gd.
when u aren't either.
y mus u push everything to me?
Stop pointing ur finger at me.
can't u jus speak properly?
why must u be so harsh?

I AM REALLY VERY ANGRY.
kept scolding me.
jus because u are tired.
i am VERY UPSET.
Don't u know that you've been very unfair to me?

jus on last sunday
u jus gave me a cold shoulder.
and u feel sick the other nite.
is it taken for granted that i have to tolerated ur tantrums?
u love ur frens so much that u can sacrifice ur slp time
and u know that u already feel tired
yet u still choose to go out wif them
and at the end of the day
get frustrated and vent them ALL on me.

SO ANGRY.

started work already.
i duno how to describe the feelins at work.
it's kinda mixed.
i signed the 3 mnths contract today.
jus hope tat everything will go smoothly.
and i can get the off days smoothly too.

he was kinda sweet today
coz he bought a prezzie for me.
something which i can't say i dun like.
but never really LOVE it...
duno if u get wat i mean...
it's a orangie soft toy tat comes wif 2 oranges
in the box.
u can get it at action city.
we took a neo pic ytd and happened to bypass the shop
i showed it to him.
but i jus wanted to let him see...
tat it is kinda cute. but not tat... hmm... attractive?
anyway, it's really the tot that matters.
thanks my dear.
although it would be better if u had gotten me something
much more meaningful... hehe

despite being so sweet today
he fell sick.
poor thing. vomited 4 times jus now in the evening
went to the doc.
he says he's got food poisoning.
tml he's gotten an mc.
while i've got to work the whole day.
from 10 am to 3 pm and then 4pm to 10 pm.
really hope he can take good care of himself
coz i wun be around.
first time watching him sleep wif covers on...
so soundly. jus hope tat he gets better.

sch's out since tues.
had my last paper
legal aspects of business
within an hour or so.

been four days since.
work for one day since.
went to my new workplace ytd.
not sure if i can adapt to it.
the 5 hrs of work time.

din wanted to start so fast.
wanted to slack for sometime
but i was wanted.

duno wat to blog about.
he threw his stupid tantrum again last nite
coz his com can't get internet connection.
y? coz he reformat it.
y? coz too many d/l-ing
results in a virus infected pc.
can i say
serves him right?
but i got to bear wif his stupid tantrum.

everytime when things do go the way he wans
or when he can't fixed something
he has got to throw his tantrum.

wat can i do?
jus keep quiet.
it will all be fine after a while.
i've learnt.
sometimes, it's better not to be rash.
i know it feels extremely accused.
but so wat if i fight for it?
it ends up even worse when both are fighting about it.
pointing fingers at each other.
he claims tat u're petty.
u claim tat he's unreasonable.
blah blah blah.
wat's the point when things get so ugly?
it could even turn for the worse
esp when tension arises...
regretful decisions may arise.

it's still better to bear wif it.
jus like the damned chinese saying:

"ren yi shi, feng ping lang jing...
tui yi bu, hai kuo tian kong..."

ada ada ada...

my anger's off.

we talked amnt of rubbish last nite
discussion abt slp.
claiming that i really can slp.

i told him how i got the title...
'koon sin' = slpin god.
he was laughin.
slpt pretty late due to those
nonsensical talks.

woke up early.
went to take my first paper.
i can't say it's easy.
but it's not really that difficult rite?
cept for the last qns.
pretty tricky.

off with that now.
doesn't matter anymore.
been readin some blogs.
realised tat many are busy wif Uni application

wat about me?
slackin away.
can't be bothered?
no.

i jus know that i wun make it to uni.
so i jus dun wan to waste the time.
and pin hopes on such dreams.

besides, i've got plans already.
a job waiting for me.
another job tat is currently fulfillin'
2 part time together
probably earning lesser than many of u out there.
but i'm ok.
jus wan to rest first.
let me take things easy.
tat's my way.

law paper tml.
need to revise.
but feelin slpy alred.
sighz.

sorry first.
to those who are gonna read this.
i'm so angry that
i've resorted to using vulgarities.

i'm really irritated wif u
dun u think that u've been
goin overboard for the past few days.

here i am compromising.
keeping wat yuan said in my mind.
sometimes it's better to bear the pain alone
than to make us both upset.
that's y i've been keepin all to myself.

but wat have u done?
wat u did to me on 9/2/2006
which still gives me heartache today
is still upsetting me.
and i've been trying to be nice
what bout u?

sales have been lousy at times.
but still we've all worked hard
trying to hit the target.
dun u get it?
sometimes it's not up to u or us to reach the sales
when the customers dun come
they fucking WUN COME.
why do u have to show ur fucking black face ard?
and then show ur fucking attitude at ME?
hello?
i may be the one closest to u rite now.
but PLEASE GET IT RIGHT
i am ur GF. NOT UR PUNCHINB BAG
or anything that u can vent ur frustrations on.

ytd, they missed out ur time card
and din punch it.
together wif u,
i only got to know it when we finished cleaning!
why the heck am i being blame for it?
don't u get it??
DON'T U UNDERSTAND SIMPLE CHINESE?
I SAY: I SAW THEM PUNCHIN THE TIME CARDS.
and u jolly well know that
they always punch everybody's card together.
u think i'm god to know that they missed out ur's?

when aunty asked u to washed the stuff
where u complain tat u've been washin it all the while
when the other cleaner always din wash...
do u have to give me attitude?
it's not me who wans it.
GET IT?
why do u have to vent ur anger at me?
u know what u've done.
and where's the apology?
FUCK.

today...
u fuckin like to keep holdin on to the utensil
for cooking
and did u realised tat u scratched me with that?
is there such a need for u to keep holdin on to that thing?
can't u jus put it down if u wan to help me put
those damn balls at the cashier?

after work...
y do u have to go out first?
i dun see the reason for u waiting outside
when normally we leave the shop TOGETHER.
do u have to leave me behind?
ended up wif me rushing out.
AND FUCKING LEFT MY PHONE IN THE SHOP.
yes. get that right.
my HANDPHONE IS AT BUGIS RIGHT NOW.
and when i realised tat.
i din even kick up any fuss.
wat about u?

u started ventin frustrations at me.
AGAIN?
wat have i done wrong?
it's MY PHONE. MINE.
that is in the shop
that is facing the risk of lost.
but yet.
U are the one venting ur fuckin anger at ME??
who can be more unreasonable?
and u freakin know that tml i have a paper.
wat can be more irritating?

fuck tat shit.

many thoughts racing thru my mind
but i can't say everything here.

i used to thought that
this is the place where i can say
whatever i wan...
but it's now no more.

coz i still wana keep some stuff
to myself.
jus myself.
nobody will know.
not even him.
coz ultimately,
he is the one.
the one where these hidden thoughts arises.

i wana say that
every other day...
happiness jus seems so far away.
it jus feels as though i'm in depression.
most of the time
the thought of ending everything
seeps in so perfectly.

many a times, i see ppl saying that they are depressed.
suffering from depression.
but what is the real depression?
is it jus sadness and emptiness that dwells in the heart?
or is it jus more?
what am i feeling?
when ending everything which also equates to death
comes into mind so easily...
i have not yet found the courage to do so.
i've not reached that stage yet.

but seems like i'm slowly walkin towards it.
i sometimes feel so far away from this world.
even with the people i'm close with,
i often seems to be zapped into my own zone.
so close and yet so far.

jus like our everyday scenario.
he's at the table.
facing his desktop.
gaming away.

i'm jus 3 steps away.
on the bed.
bloggin away.

we're both living in our own world.
i often wonder...
are we drifting apart
from one another
although we're always together?
it's jus so sad...

i am in pain
here pain
there pain
everywhere also in pain!

my back hurts
most prob due to impact
by the falling helmet.

my head aches.
duno y.
been aching since afternoon

feelin giddy.
wana throw up.
nothing comes out.

heart also pain.

worked today.
his stupid helmet dropped.
hit my back.

he din asked if i'm ok.
jus asked wat happened.

so disappointing.

ytd was valentine's.
it din started off well
coz he was tellin his frens for the past 2 days
that he's working.
in fact, he jus wanted to spend the whole day
wif me.
he confessed to them in the end.

but he din.
still, he met up wif his part time.
i call him tat.
coz he has to call him everyday.
it's a must. i duno y.
supposed to go take a pic together.
i mean those neo prints or cards.
and perhaps catch a movie or something.

but ended up,
he wanted to go somewhere else.
and asked his part time along.
wat can i say...?
of coz i'm disappointed.
but nevertheless, i remembered what yuan yuan said.
so i jus kept it to myself.

so we went to escape.
but it wasn't opened.
he read the opening hours only.
din take note of the days.
his part time went home upon seeing that
escape's not open.
btw, his part time is b.x.
always together.

planned to go cycling instead.
reached the kiosk
and realized that it closes at 6.
it was already 5 plus.
wat's the point then?

walked around the park.
no idea y.
he suggested goin to ikea.
so we went all the way from the east to the west.
got a FREE rose from ikea.
the lady was distributing it.
he took a liking to this sofa bed very much.
i've got no comments.

went to sim lim tower to buy some electrical stuff
and then to mustafa
to look at the long aimed at plasma.
plans to buy it next mnth.

that was it.
a very normal valentine day.

i still prefered the trip to zoo.
but still he din spend the whole day wif me.
same goes to my bday last year.

when will he ever GIVE one day to me?

mypicgallery now requires subscription fee
to post pictures.
my pic links are already gone.

went to the zoo on sunday.
was quite fun seeing animals
some are amazing
some are cute.
some are funny.
some are digusting. =X
took not many.
some pics.
wanted to upload n post.
but nowhere to.
took a pic today.
lousy colour due to the cam condition.
but i tot it was nice.

tml's valentine's day.
last year's was a sad one.
hope tat tml will be fine.
he's been nice these few days.
i've been lying low too.
keeping yuan yuan's words in mind.

I wan to announce to the whole wide world
whoever's reading my blog...

THANK YOU VERY MUCH
MR LAI.

i really appreciate the time u spent
talking to me.
i'm really sorry for wasting your time.
but i've really got no one to turn to
at tat hour.
I'll keep those words in mind.
thanks alot.
i've learnt a lot from what you've told me.
I'll try to find back myself.
thank u.

i hope ytd would be a history
kept far away. (best if thrown away)
right at the corner of both our mind.
coz it's really to painful to recall.
not even a second.
it's extremely saddening.
it even appears in my dreams.
it all feels too realistic.
i dun wan this to happen again.
not anymore.

did i mention that...
yesterday, i met a weird person.
who freaked me out.
up till now. i'm still freaked out
he scared the shit out of me.
i duno what's with these 'blacks'
he claims he's from africa.
and wans to befriend me.
he jus approached me out of nowhere
pestering me.
i'm fine. jus still pretty much
freaked out.

need to thank the girl who asked.
thanks. i know u'll nv get to read this.
but i sincerly wan to thank u.
i wanted to last nite.
but i was overly freaked out and
was rushin for time.
sorry.

I meant to kept it as a surprise
but u found out.

I wanted it to be a surprise
coz i jus wanted to see u happy.
but i can't.
coz it was no longer a surprise.

i wish i could have something more
more than jus a normal
thank u.
i wan to be appreciated and acknowledge.
not thanked.
that's y i wanted it to be a surprise.

i jus wish u would treasure it more
returning the gift to me
will only hurt me even more.
i really hope u'll never ever mention that again.

it doesn't help.
when u can't tell me things properly.
dun jus hang up.
u know i will call back.
and u like to do it on purpose.
it's jus pushing me to the edge.

dun tell me nothing
when there's something.
there's no way i can enter
when u simply block the way.
i'm so afraid
that i might give up.

so tired.

finally IB presentation is over.
will be submitting my POE IJ tml.
wanted to submit it today.
but that boh prefers to have it tml.

had a pretty long day.
was out wif dear. b.x. and yuan yuan.
bought a RS MMC card.
but had no idea wat to load into it.

slight regrets.

i let the cat out of the bag
when i told him about the surprise present
i intended to buy for him.
there was no reaction.
i have no idea wat he's thinking.
sighz.
buying the prezzie tml together.

dun feel like attending the lectures tml.
anywayz, they are not revision lec.
wana spend more time with him.

feeling hungry now.
had porridge at chinatown after KTV wif them
no idea why...
still feelin hungry

after so long...

i've finally change a new skin...

my first choice was actually something darker.

but mana (the person in the pic)

caught my attention.

He prefered this too.

i've removed some links...

My blog entries has gotten lesser...
and they are usually either complaints
or jus plain sad entries...

I feel so tight up.
I'm in no control...
I wanted to go... but i wasn't allowed to.
I really din want to keep u waiting.
but... i'm jus an insignificant member in the group.
whom to them, has zero contribution
despite the work that i have done.

it's not as if i like to feel stressed up.
but how would u feel
when u're caught up...
and pressed for time...
yet, people are ranting at you?
blaming you?

One side of me wants to prove my contribution
the other side of me wants to keep u happy.
but i'm TORN in between.
who understands this?

it feels even worse when i spent the savings
which was meant for a surprise present for you
to rush to meet you and end wif a sour note.
how you kept treating me as though
i'm jus an idiot

can i jus say that...
it is you.
yes.
you.
who made me lost hope in everything?

everyday, the hurt grows.
deeper.
the sadness dwells longer.
the emptiness grows colder.

i really do not wish for things to end in this way.

It's CNY.
I still remember clearly
how we spent our CNY eve and CNY...
How, I had perservered through...
all the waiting you've given then.

I jus tot this time would be very diff.
the happy plans would last...
somehow, things jus CONTINUE to turn out differently.
yes, it's diff...
but it's on the horrible side...

I am really sorry for spoiling the bag.
i really wan to mend it back...
jus like how we used to be...
It really hurt...
i'm lost.

I feel cold...
all alone...
like i've always said,
I know i can't afford to lose u...
but i know, i will still...

I jus wish for a nice ending note.
a happy one... y must things turn out to be like this?

have u ever realised that
whatever u've done to me...
said to me...
had hurt me so deeply
that i'm back in depression?
every other day, these bad memories haunt me...
I wish i could run away.
but i have no where to run.

have u ever love someone
till u've completely lost urself?

Haven the things i've done and am still doin for you show anything?
you simply make me feel like an idiot.
i'm unwilling to give up...
but yet, i dun wish to dwell upon such unhappiness.
I guess, i'm bleedin inside.
a wound which u can't see... and can't feel.

it hurts.
very much.
yes it does...
hurts.