Was in extreme disappointment
for the past 2 days.
ytd, was 27h April.
It marks the date that
we've been together for 1 yr
actually more than tat.
minus the first 2 breakups.

yet, the eve itself was already
an unhappy nite.
a fun day, but at nite,
he was back at his mad man mode.
multiple mentions of breakups.
all tat jus make me dishearten.
nothing else.
i've really tried so hard.
but yet he continues.

i dun understand
why is it that i always remember
our promises even at times of quarrel
but he doesn't give a damn?

On the 27th itself.
first thing in the morning he did
was play game.
can u imagine tat?
i feel so sick of the sight of him
playing the game EVERYDAY.
he did ridiculous stuff and
again mention upteen times of breakup
i almost... really almost let go.
thanks to effendi for his companion over the phone.
sorry to my boss anderson for disturbing u.
sorry to j.k for callin you.
i thought better of u.
but u really disappoint me as a fren of his.
thanks chui yee for encouragement.

i duno.
i was really sad for the whole day
i dun feel like talkin.
even though we sort of made up.
i wasn't happy.
even right now, i feel the pain.
it's no longer that painful
either it's numb.
or i'm already letting go slowly.
i duno.
i know he tried to cheer me up
but once again.
by buying the LOTR map
doesn't help.
i dun need those gifts.
i only wan him to consider
and think through hard.
wat he'd done.
i'm not saying it's totally his fault.
but things could be better
if he stop blabbering those breakups.
really.

i really feel sick and tired.

Gosh.
i'm extremely tired.
slpt late last nite.
can't help feeling extremely slpy.

i've got a task on hand.
irritating.
i squeezed dry my brain juice
last month and thought it's over.
then he comes back and tell me.
i wan a new format.
Urghz.
and still specifications unclear.
sometimes i wish he would do up
past mnths information
coz when he wans a new format,
and i have to refer, i know nuts
about what went on before i joined.

i have 3 incidents which are of 3 different moods
to blog about.
Amusing, Gross and Anger.

all three are true-life account incidents
experinced by myself.

Lets start wif the GROSS one.

I was at bugis junction last fri. evening.
and this lady, tapped on my shoulder
and pointed onto the road.
i looked over, and i saw a round shaped thingy.
i have no idea wat was that.
the first tot was.
"oooh.. some rubber from bypassin car..."
WAIT. WHAT'S SO INTERESTING THEN?
i looked again...
it's actually, a baby crow.
small little furry ball look-a-like
guess it must have fallen onto the road
while learning how to fly.
i looked up the nearest tree.
and i saw 2 adult crows 'crowing' away.
as if they're askin the baby to get up
and GET OUT OF THE WAY.
the traffic was on hold then.
Due to the traffic light. but it din last long
the Green light lits up.
and "Vroom" the first car went by.
close shave.
but the baby was still there.
unable to move.
then the second car went by.
"Piak". It went over the baby.
wat i saw was red substance squirting out.
quite alot.
GROSS.
and the two adult crows 'crowed' continued to 'crow'
jus tat it's louder.
and sounds desperate.
As though they are crying.

Tat's the first incident. Simply GROSS

second incident... perhaps the Anguish one.

I was working yesterday.
at tako. (As usual)
there's wasn't much left on the table for sale.
with one prawn and two bacon n cheese.
I was serving Customer A.
Then i heard customer C shouted out.
REAL LOUD. "Prawn one. I wan prawn one."
he was a big man. a father in fact.
and customer B was hiding behind customer A.
for wat i duno.
so i din see customer B and i nodded at customer C.
when i turn back to keep the cash from customer A,
i tot i saw a boy standing in front of me.
TAT is CUSTOMER B!
any fella wif a brain would say serve customer B first.
so i asked customer B.
he said he wanted the prawn.
1 prawn left. of coz i sell it to customer B.
sounds logical.
anyway, i haven collected any cash from customer C.
all i did was jus smiled and nodded.
then customer B bought the prawn and bye bye.
Customer C: "Prawn One. Prawn One."
so as usual i said: "Sorry sir, the prawn one u've got to wait for 5 mins."
guess wat this customer C says?
"AIYA. I ORDERED FROM YOU ALREADY WAT JUS NOW."
"THEN NOW STILL GOT TO WAIT."
"what u left?" "bacon? DUN WAN. I WAN THE PRAWN ONE."
"WAT 5 MINS? ARGH. FASTER LA."
i define this as a rude and no-brainer speech
especially wif his stuck up face.
i jus felt like shoving the picks for cooking
straight rite up into his ass.
you're a BIG MAN. ADULT. FATHER.
and u tried to jump Q.
FUCK LA. u know wat's a Q stand for?
Customer B is jus a BOY.
dun think u got a bigger and louder voice and body,
u can win.
and i should serve u first.
FUCK OFF. DUN FUCKIN COME AND THROW MONEY.
if you duno how to Q.
please go back to nursery or maybe ask ur daughter
to teach you.
and please learn some manners. i do not owe you anything
you are definitely RUDE.
i wonder how are you goin to teach your daughter.
another of such FAGGOTS?
GET LOST.

finally the amusing one... I find it amusing
but in any case, if you are one such victim
i'm sorry to hear that. but i guess you've learnt a lesson.
look out before u cross...

it was friday evening. same place. Bugis Junction.
for those who frequent there would know that
there's 2 pedestrian crossing from Bugis Village to Bugis Junction.
The one nearer to village has a wider road.
while the other nearer to parco has a damn small road.
and many times, we see ppl jay walking across the small one.
and we witness that many taxis/cars/motorists have to give way
to these Fucked up pedestrains even when
the taxis are having their right of way.
and there are those who are even more fucked up.
i really think that they are retarded ass-holes.
those whom when the cars horn at them,
they still take their own sweet time
and cross the road and even worse...
STARE AT THE DRIVER!
FUCKTARDS. really.
so on tat day, wat happened was,
i saw 2 traffic police.
standing in the middle pavement
in between the 2 pedestrain crossing (Btwn village and Parco)
and for every single one who jaywalked across towards village
THEY ARE BOOKED! WAHAHAHA
i find this damn amusing.
coz every single min. there's one fella who will jus cross
without looking.
some were really rushing for time
well too bad.
while there's others who tot they are so suave
to cross the road. and TA-DA!
stopped right there by the traffic police.
caught RED-HANDED.
and there u go. IC please.
WAHAHAHAHA.
SERVES THEM RIGHT.
so next time if u are thinking of jay walking.
STOP to look out for TP (Traffic Police) FIRST.
before u even look out for cars.
WAHAHAHAHA

i gotta change the first pic in my blog
real soon.

He lost the ring.
Wat can i say.

i'm keeping mine at home.
no idea will he be getting a new one.
if not.
i'm fine with.
starting to become more 'bo-chap'
coz too tired.

6 more days.
before its 27th April.

Many questions sets me thinking.
i think i need a long break
to help me sort out my thinking.

I was being offered another part time
helping out at ee ling's coffeestall.
it sounds really interesting.
besides, i have not done anything like that before.
i was given a choice.
but seems like i've no choice.

I knew he wouldn't like the idea.
As expected.
i mentioned to him about this offered.
his face changed.
he got frustrated.
and was even mean to me.
i was jus telling him about this offer.
something that i might wan to try out.
jus that i need some support.
but instead, i got his insanity.

he din quite like me working at ifound. too.
i duno why is tat so.
most prob because of the pay.
i know with my qualifications,
i can get more than wat i'm getting.
but right now,
i jus dun wan to get wholly involved and committed
to any jobs yet.
and i'm satisfied working here.
the pay might be peanuts.
but there's a sense of satisfaction.

i need some support to my decisions.
but he's not giving me any.
he keeps asking me to get my ass out
to work somewhere else.
i gave him some explaination which aren't
truely how i felt.
but somehow logical.
saying that i can gain more experience
and stuff like tat.
he seems to understand.
but i duno how much does he.

i jus felt so unfair.
to be given attitude
when all i did was to tell him the offered job.
he doesn't like it at all.
even though i tot i wanted to.
but i guess i duno how to.
i wish i could talk to my boss.
but he's too busy recently.
helping out at the coffeestall.
for the past few days,
his tantrums had been flying ard
anyhow.
as and when he likes.
i can't find anyone to confide to.
and only bernie knows what i'm talking about.

i'm glad that i have such a boss, a friend.
but then, i feel bad calling him all the time.
esp when he's jus so busy.
i really wish that my boss will talk to him,
wake him up from his child-like temper.
he's already 21.
and yet he behaves like a 12 year old kid.
i'm so tired.
like wat i told bernie.
i'm tired of looking after this kid.
he doesn't grow.
and it gets worse each day.
when i think back of the past.
how simple things were.
all i do is sigh.

Feelin a 'lil giddy.
not too well.
duno y. anyway i'm not bothered.
or rather...
not concern wif it.

went to escape theme park ytd
with him and his guy partners
1 & 2.
had some fun.
wasn't the best kind of fun.
was expecting much more than tat.

feeling kinda hungry right now.
no food for the day yet.
his bike broke down again.
super irritating.
this week
i'm not working tat much at takopachi.
any takers?
anybody wana meet me for dinner at ard evening time
pls let me know.
coz i still got my office job in the morning
and the cleaner at nite.
but i still have the evening to spare!
from 5 pm to 9 pm
it's about 4 hours.
Available days: Wednesday and Friday
tryin to make myself available for my disappointed friends.
i'm so sorry.
but i still cherish all of you.

urghz. i jus mention i dun wan to be bothered
my that sicky feeling.
but can't help.
giddiness + headache.
urghz.
tired.

Feelin exactly the same as my blog skin.
Really wana scream out DUNO LA.

After reading the post i feel damn irritated.
I really wish to find out.
dig out everything.
some facts might be distorted.
but considering the consequences that may happen
i jus feel so tired.

I hate those never ending fights.
most of the facts fall into pieces.
jus the time and date.
which is y i'm feeling so confuse.
jus when i tot i can trust...
i see this.
i really duno.

these few days, i've been feelin quite empty.
wat happened on mon... what made me leave blogged
tat short post
perhaps is the main reason.
buying games which i tot i've always wanted
is not goin to keep me happy and forget
how deep u hurt me.

i really duno.
i jus feel tired everyday.
i dare not hope.
seems like everything's been wrecked.
my life's been turn upside down.
and sometimes,
i jus wonder...
why are u still here...

i really duno. i swear i dun.
take me away from all these confusions.
i want to leave and never come back.
i jus dun have the courage to do so yet.
i duno.
i know... i've really tried.
and am very tired of trying.
i wish i could jus slp.
and never wake up.

He tore her heart up into pieces...
and expect her to smile again...

Very tired sometimes.
Many things
many thoughts racing tru my mind.

in the past, i was more carefree.
on a typical sat like this
most prob i would be singing k-lunch
and out walkin ard...

nowadays, i jus wana spend more time
IN at home.
home alone isn't bad.
every sat... i stay in alone.
tryin to relax.
but there's still work to do.

sighz.
the thought of workin on mon jus makes me sad.
i mean tako.
he's not working. i dun like the idea
then he's got off and i got to work at tako.
coz... i really wish we could jus go out.
after my morning job.
i dun like the idea of the second half of my day spoiled
it's spoiled. coz it's his off day.
and he's got nowhere to go?
i dun like it.

sighz.
i wana slp.
and dun wana wake up.
i've finish partially the laundry.
but the weather's not co-operating.
i have yet to lay the sheets.
the matteress is damn heavy.
i jus dun wan to think.
can i jus not think?
i dun like to have so many 'reminders'
'to-do-lists' in mind.
there's only 1 me.
and u ppl like to giv me things
that are not of my concern to settle for u.
waste money. waste time.
and take away my free time.

i hate this.

a brand new skin which took me 2 days to complete.

phew...

Jus read some accquaintance's blog.
which really makes me wonder.
and in fact fear for such a situtaion.
and this situation is somehow
slowly incurring.
the whole process has been trying to overtake
my mind.
my determination.
that's perhaps why i feel so drained.
so tired.

i was told that
there's no way u can determine the future
so u may not be able to have him wif u
forever, maybe not even tml.
so wat u can do now,
is jus to really treasure every moment u have wif him
this is something very true.
you duno when will he be leavin u
maybe he will. maybe he wun
but u have now.
make the most out of it.
have no regrets.
i understand but what about him?

people can be together for years.
and surprise frens wif a breakup or worse divorce.
wat is goin wrong?
is it really up to such a stage?
or is it purely by social influence?
i always believe in this thing call fate.
out of the hundreds people u bypass or meet a day,
out of the world's population,
u jus get attracted to this one and only one.
there's even better ones out there but u only fall for this.
it's a very miraculous thing to me.
i duno about the rest of u.
but spend some time thinking about this.
this not only applies to bgr. frenship as well!
so many ppl ard u in sch.
and u jus really like this grp u're wif.
i still rem my year 1 sem 1. most memorable out of all.
and the one dearest who is closest to me tru my poly days.
my mama. seems like personal commitments have cause some gaps
here and there. but i still do hope
our frenship still hold as strong as before.
G5 from yr 1... 6 jiemei from yr 2
it all jus form properly. jus like what they always say
Fate brought us together.
I love u all!

since fate has brought a couple together,
we must really learn to cherish everyone ard us.
everyone ard u is here for a reason.
even the one who irritates u.
they could be someone who's fated to irritate u in ur life
for one purpose:
to change and mould u to be a better person.

In a relationship, i think fate is magic.
it jus brings 2 person 2gether.
it's jus so magical.
but when i read the blog,
i felt so sad.
why give up so easily?
maybe i'm an outsider
and may not know. but perserverance
is wat that has kept me till today
where i am.

i admit that there are many times
and many 'chances' where i can jus let go.
but i dun wan to lose someone jus like that.

i still remembered the 'discussion' i had wif dear
the other nite at labardor park.
i hope he understands. and remembers.
if i were to be like him,
break up then fine. ok wif it, be cool jus let go,
we would long ago be apart.
sometimes, it's not jus about taking things easy
letting go.
is it worth? is there such a need?
sometimes, it's due to simple things in life.
and such can be overcomed together.
i really hope that he will hold to what
he had said that nite.
and the song he's been takin a lot of effort into learning
saying it's for me, and hold to the meaning.
relationship is v fragile.
those who are in one. please. treasure it.
although it might be broken before
scratches may be seen,
give urself, ur partner sometime.
things will turn for the better if u believe.
dun let go so easily.
coz it was nv easy getting know each other in the first place.
out of the millions in the whole wide word.
wat's more, coming to such stage.

*tREasUrE y0uR LoVe oNeS*

very slpy.
in office rite now.
boss, dun blame me.
coz there's nothing on hand for me to do.
so if i were to sit there doing nothing
101% i will fall aslp.
so i decided to come here to speak my mind.

am so slpy
coz last nite
went to the cemetery to pay respects
to my late grandma and grandpa.
dear was feelin unwell during the journey.
coz of the bumpy road.
and he ended up car sick. sighz.
left home at 145am or so
and reached home at 5.30am.
SPENT the whole nite at the cemetery.
Goshz. how can i not feel slpy???

and my tasks for today up till now
has been dully completed.
so there's really nothing much on hand for me to do
wanted to generate some new ideas
but the brain is like DEAD.
can't think properly.
jus like a zombie.
sighz.

i know i have things to blog about.
but i jus can't recall.
coz i can't think.

work recently has been v irritating.
i duno wat's wrong with singaporeans.
where's the courtesy lion???

I dun understand why the heck
do we need a Q for when ppl can't wait
while in the Q.
and where have their EYES gone to?
the is one not small. not ugly.
wif an octopus board saying "PLS ENTER HERE"
eh, as if singaporeans can't read english?
It's freakin irritating when they choose to
ANYHOW Q. and misleadin the Q.
and those KAN CHIONG SPIDER.
Hello? it's like u're NEXT in the Q.
and i'm serving the one b4 u.
PLS BE POLITE.
DUN BE RUDE. why do u need to place ur order
while i'm still serving somebody else b4 u?
where's ur manners? HELLO?!
and u still have to wait.
Oh bother.

wat else? those who like to fake it.
stand at one corner.
ask if u got these and that.
and u tell them to Q up
wat do u get?
A F-uped face. and walked away.
i'm workin as a cashier in a stall.
not a restaurant.
I DO NOT CHARGE service charge.
i DO NOT deserve any of ur F-UP attitudes.
so wat if i'm in a service line.
u wana try being treated like this?

and those damn rude china woman and old aunties
old uncles... watch this:
dun think u got more money,
u can freakin throw ur notes and coins like this
I AM NOT A BEGGER.
u're buying i'm sellin
we're in a business transaction.
GET TAT RITE.
freaks.