Saturday, February 25, 2006

sch's out since tues.
had my last paper
legal aspects of business
within an hour or so.

been four days since.
work for one day since.
went to my new workplace ytd.
not sure if i can adapt to it.
the 5 hrs of work time.

din wanted to start so fast.
wanted to slack for sometime
but i was wanted.

duno wat to blog about.
he threw his stupid tantrum again last nite
coz his com can't get internet connection.
y? coz he reformat it.
y? coz too many d/l-ing
results in a virus infected pc.
can i say
serves him right?
but i got to bear wif his stupid tantrum.

everytime when things do go the way he wans
or when he can't fixed something
he has got to throw his tantrum.

wat can i do?
jus keep quiet.
it will all be fine after a while.
i've learnt.
sometimes, it's better not to be rash.
i know it feels extremely accused.
but so wat if i fight for it?
it ends up even worse when both are fighting about it.
pointing fingers at each other.
he claims tat u're petty.
u claim tat he's unreasonable.
blah blah blah.
wat's the point when things get so ugly?
it could even turn for the worse
esp when tension arises...
regretful decisions may arise.

it's still better to bear wif it.
jus like the damned chinese saying:

"ren yi shi, feng ping lang jing...
tui yi bu, hai kuo tian kong..."

ada ada ada...

Monday, February 20, 2006

my anger's off.

we talked amnt of rubbish last nite
discussion abt slp.
claiming that i really can slp.

i told him how i got the title...
'koon sin' = slpin god.
he was laughin.
slpt pretty late due to those
nonsensical talks.

woke up early.
went to take my first paper.
i can't say it's easy.
but it's not really that difficult rite?
cept for the last qns.
pretty tricky.

off with that now.
doesn't matter anymore.
been readin some blogs.
realised tat many are busy wif Uni application

wat about me?
slackin away.
can't be bothered?

i jus know that i wun make it to uni.
so i jus dun wan to waste the time.
and pin hopes on such dreams.

besides, i've got plans already.
a job waiting for me.
another job tat is currently fulfillin'
2 part time together
probably earning lesser than many of u out there.
but i'm ok.
jus wan to rest first.
let me take things easy.
tat's my way.

law paper tml.
need to revise.
but feelin slpy alred.
sorry first.
to those who are gonna read this.
i'm so angry that
i've resorted to using vulgarities.

i'm really irritated wif u
dun u think that u've been
goin overboard for the past few days.

here i am compromising.
keeping wat yuan said in my mind.
sometimes it's better to bear the pain alone
than to make us both upset.
that's y i've been keepin all to myself.

but wat have u done?
wat u did to me on 9/2/2006
which still gives me heartache today
is still upsetting me.
and i've been trying to be nice
what bout u?

sales have been lousy at times.
but still we've all worked hard
trying to hit the target.
dun u get it?
sometimes it's not up to u or us to reach the sales
when the customers dun come
they fucking WUN COME.
why do u have to show ur fucking black face ard?
and then show ur fucking attitude at ME?
i may be the one closest to u rite now.
or anything that u can vent ur frustrations on.

ytd, they missed out ur time card
and din punch it.
together wif u,
i only got to know it when we finished cleaning!
why the heck am i being blame for it?
don't u get it??
and u jolly well know that
they always punch everybody's card together.
u think i'm god to know that they missed out ur's?

when aunty asked u to washed the stuff
where u complain tat u've been washin it all the while
when the other cleaner always din wash...
do u have to give me attitude?
it's not me who wans it.
why do u have to vent ur anger at me?
u know what u've done.
and where's the apology?

u fuckin like to keep holdin on to the utensil
for cooking
and did u realised tat u scratched me with that?
is there such a need for u to keep holdin on to that thing?
can't u jus put it down if u wan to help me put
those damn balls at the cashier?

after work...
y do u have to go out first?
i dun see the reason for u waiting outside
when normally we leave the shop TOGETHER.
do u have to leave me behind?
ended up wif me rushing out.
yes. get that right.
and when i realised tat.
i din even kick up any fuss.
wat about u?

u started ventin frustrations at me.
wat have i done wrong?
that is in the shop
that is facing the risk of lost.
but yet.
U are the one venting ur fuckin anger at ME??
who can be more unreasonable?
and u freakin know that tml i have a paper.
wat can be more irritating?

fuck tat shit.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

many thoughts racing thru my mind
but i can't say everything here.

i used to thought that
this is the place where i can say
whatever i wan...
but it's now no more.

coz i still wana keep some stuff
to myself.
jus myself.
nobody will know.
not even him.
coz ultimately,
he is the one.
the one where these hidden thoughts arises.

i wana say that
every other day...
happiness jus seems so far away.
it jus feels as though i'm in depression.
most of the time
the thought of ending everything
seeps in so perfectly.

many a times, i see ppl saying that they are depressed.
suffering from depression.
but what is the real depression?
is it jus sadness and emptiness that dwells in the heart?
or is it jus more?
what am i feeling?
when ending everything which also equates to death
comes into mind so easily...
i have not yet found the courage to do so.
i've not reached that stage yet.

but seems like i'm slowly walkin towards it.
i sometimes feel so far away from this world.
even with the people i'm close with,
i often seems to be zapped into my own zone.
so close and yet so far.

jus like our everyday scenario.
he's at the table.
facing his desktop.
gaming away.

i'm jus 3 steps away.
on the bed.
bloggin away.

we're both living in our own world.
i often wonder...
are we drifting apart
from one another
although we're always together?
it's jus so sad...

Friday, February 17, 2006

i am in pain
here pain
there pain
everywhere also in pain!

my back hurts
most prob due to impact
by the falling helmet.

my head aches.
duno y.
been aching since afternoon

feelin giddy.
wana throw up.
nothing comes out.

heart also pain.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

worked today.
his stupid helmet dropped.
hit my back.

he din asked if i'm ok.
jus asked wat happened.

so disappointing.
ytd was valentine's.
it din started off well
coz he was tellin his frens for the past 2 days
that he's working.
in fact, he jus wanted to spend the whole day
wif me.
he confessed to them in the end.

but he din.
still, he met up wif his part time.
i call him tat.
coz he has to call him everyday.
it's a must. i duno y.
supposed to go take a pic together.
i mean those neo prints or cards.
and perhaps catch a movie or something.

but ended up,
he wanted to go somewhere else.
and asked his part time along.
wat can i say...?
of coz i'm disappointed.
but nevertheless, i remembered what yuan yuan said.
so i jus kept it to myself.

so we went to escape.
but it wasn't opened.
he read the opening hours only.
din take note of the days.
his part time went home upon seeing that
escape's not open.
btw, his part time is b.x.
always together.

planned to go cycling instead.
reached the kiosk
and realized that it closes at 6.
it was already 5 plus.
wat's the point then?

walked around the park.
no idea y.
he suggested goin to ikea.
so we went all the way from the east to the west.
got a FREE rose from ikea.
the lady was distributing it.
he took a liking to this sofa bed very much.
i've got no comments.

went to sim lim tower to buy some electrical stuff
and then to mustafa
to look at the long aimed at plasma.
plans to buy it next mnth.

that was it.
a very normal valentine day.

i still prefered the trip to zoo.
but still he din spend the whole day wif me.
same goes to my bday last year.

when will he ever GIVE one day to me?

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

mypicgallery now requires subscription fee
to post pictures.
my pic links are already gone.

went to the zoo on sunday.
was quite fun seeing animals
some are amazing
some are cute.
some are funny.
some are digusting. =X
took not many.
some pics.
wanted to upload n post.
but nowhere to.
took a pic today.
lousy colour due to the cam condition.
but i tot it was nice.

tml's valentine's day.
last year's was a sad one.
hope tat tml will be fine.
he's been nice these few days.
i've been lying low too.
keeping yuan yuan's words in mind.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I wan to announce to the whole wide world
whoever's reading my blog...


i really appreciate the time u spent
talking to me.
i'm really sorry for wasting your time.
but i've really got no one to turn to
at tat hour.
I'll keep those words in mind.
thanks alot.
i've learnt a lot from what you've told me.
I'll try to find back myself.
thank u.

i hope ytd would be a history
kept far away. (best if thrown away)
right at the corner of both our mind.
coz it's really to painful to recall.
not even a second.
it's extremely saddening.
it even appears in my dreams.
it all feels too realistic.
i dun wan this to happen again.
not anymore.

did i mention that...
yesterday, i met a weird person.
who freaked me out.
up till now. i'm still freaked out
he scared the shit out of me.
i duno what's with these 'blacks'
he claims he's from africa.
and wans to befriend me.
he jus approached me out of nowhere
pestering me.
i'm fine. jus still pretty much
freaked out.

need to thank the girl who asked.
thanks. i know u'll nv get to read this.
but i sincerly wan to thank u.
i wanted to last nite.
but i was overly freaked out and
was rushin for time.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I meant to kept it as a surprise
but u found out.

I wanted it to be a surprise
coz i jus wanted to see u happy.
but i can't.
coz it was no longer a surprise.

i wish i could have something more
more than jus a normal
thank u.
i wan to be appreciated and acknowledge.
not thanked.
that's y i wanted it to be a surprise.

i jus wish u would treasure it more
returning the gift to me
will only hurt me even more.
i really hope u'll never ever mention that again.

it doesn't help.
when u can't tell me things properly.
dun jus hang up.
u know i will call back.
and u like to do it on purpose.
it's jus pushing me to the edge.

dun tell me nothing
when there's something.
there's no way i can enter
when u simply block the way.
i'm so afraid
that i might give up.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

so tired.

finally IB presentation is over.
will be submitting my POE IJ tml.
wanted to submit it today.
but that boh prefers to have it tml.

had a pretty long day.
was out wif dear. b.x. and yuan yuan.
bought a RS MMC card.
but had no idea wat to load into it.

slight regrets.

i let the cat out of the bag
when i told him about the surprise present
i intended to buy for him.
there was no reaction.
i have no idea wat he's thinking.
buying the prezzie tml together.

dun feel like attending the lectures tml.
anywayz, they are not revision lec.
wana spend more time with him.

feeling hungry now.
had porridge at chinatown after KTV wif them
no idea why...
still feelin hungry

Friday, February 03, 2006

after so long...

i've finally change a new skin...

my first choice was actually something darker.

but mana (the person in the pic)

caught my attention.

He prefered this too.

i've removed some links...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

My blog entries has gotten lesser...
and they are usually either complaints
or jus plain sad entries...

I feel so tight up.
I'm in no control...
I wanted to go... but i wasn't allowed to.
I really din want to keep u waiting.
but... i'm jus an insignificant member in the group.
whom to them, has zero contribution
despite the work that i have done.

it's not as if i like to feel stressed up.
but how would u feel
when u're caught up...
and pressed for time...
yet, people are ranting at you?
blaming you?

One side of me wants to prove my contribution
the other side of me wants to keep u happy.
but i'm TORN in between.
who understands this?

it feels even worse when i spent the savings
which was meant for a surprise present for you
to rush to meet you and end wif a sour note.
how you kept treating me as though
i'm jus an idiot

can i jus say that...
it is you.
who made me lost hope in everything?

everyday, the hurt grows.
the sadness dwells longer.
the emptiness grows colder.

i really do not wish for things to end in this way.