you are always on my mind...
so much so that,
it felt as though it's air...

i'm really extremely bothered.
i do not know what's goin to happen
i do not wan to know.
even if i know, i know i wun know how to face it
how to handle it.
if it happens, it's goin to be the 2nd time
2nd time you're breaking me in less then a month.
you make me and break me...
i'm speechless.
i do not wan to rush things. always.
i take it slow. but it seems like it's getting out of hand.
what can i do?
for twice i read the word serious.
and for twice, my heart hurts.
somebody tell me what should i do?

all i have with me are the memories.
every little thing u said.
that little bottle of solution u bought.
i can't help but feel silly again.
devastated? yeah i am.

i'm so tired.
so slpy.
am at sch.
hmm... this entry sounds freaking familiar
doesn't it?
that's wat i always say whenever i'm in sch.

i still feel insecure.
what can i do?
it's not stablized.
there's nothing much i can do
i can only hope for more weekends.
and next sat to fly by ASAP.
i can't wait to go to the zoo...
anywayz, i'm really happy
when u told me u miss me too last nite...
(='_'=)

insecurity...
is the only word i can say.
i miss you. do you ?

i have one of the most memorable chinese new year eve so far.
yes.... i am in 7th heaven already.
anywayz, happy new year.

chinese new year eve, after sch, went last min shop for clothes.
surprisingly, you called me.
i tot i was goin to be waiting for nothing.
we met up at nite, to river ang bao.
watched fireworks together...
nice nice.... nice fireworks and nice feeling too.

met up wif ur fren and watch u play billard.
after that went to ur area for supper.
talk till 6+ am.
slpt over. went home and went visiting the next day.
which was yesterday.
met up at nite again.

watever, i'm goin to god-ma's hse soon.
after that will be going for company dinner.
too bad u can't go. = (
miss ya...

is whatever that happened last nite true?
i hope so.
i'll be up in the 7th heaven again.
haha...
i waited but too tired. so i went off first.
i duno whether should i persist?
let's see if we go river ang bao tonight
and it'll decide...

i'm so slpy.
haven bought any new year stuff
later goin to do last min shopping.
buying clothes and shit.
haha.. what to do?
i'm really veri veri busy!
been working and schling. takes up all my time away.
let's see, today is chinese new year eve.
tml is new year.
tml, i wana stay home and slp.
i haven been slping enough... real tired.
now i look like a panda liao........

i'm extremely tired.
think am gonna suffer from a breakdown soon.
have been extremely busy!!!
looking back.
fri, was suppose to spend my time doiny my comm skills shit.
but then got to go collect my laptop.
spent the whole evening at TM.

Sat, early morning went sch to do project..
then went to funan to collect the stupid freebie.
wasted hours jus trying to locate that shop.
thanks to best denki AGAIN

after that went to work. all the way till 10.45.
seiyu extended such stupid hours.
after work went ktv wif anderson, him, hl and one other guy.
till 4 am. went for super early breakfast?
couldn't even finish mine.
shared cab home wif him and the guy.
slpt at 6 am

went to work today again till 10.45
am really damn tired.
need to go rush my comm skills shit.
tml got lecture at nine.
i'm sooooo dead.

and, i'm not goin to the zoo on 12 anymore... = (
coz got work!?!
need to wait for another week. haiz.
btw, i have no idea why u said those to me last nite.
but i like the feeling of being doted on... = )

Have i grown stronger?
i have no idea.
i still feel sad.
the pain is still there.
when will it ever go away??

I was being silly.
or rather, i have always been.
Naive, i call myself.
Silly.
Whatever.
I always trust too easily.

Am so glad that i know i will always have a friend with me.
XP. my bestest of all friend i suppose.
after soo many years.
no doubt i din really say my main problem, i still feel fine.
Thanks for your companion.
We'll be friends for live... i can't promise, but this is my wish.
i'll always be there for u like u do for me.

it's been a long time,
eversince i last cried till my eyes turn red.
yeah, i cried alot today.
whatever it is, i do not wish to mention anymore.
let bygones be bygones.
i do treasure those moments. esp that particular talk.
even though it hurts the most.
dun worry, i'll be fine.
and i'm fine.
i know i can get through this. afterall, it's jus another fall.

*perhaps, i've really grown stronger*

i dun think of goin to the zoo and underwater world
ANYMORE.

u dun have to keep to your promise
however, i dun mind going.
but then again, u really dun have to.
since things take a turn this way.

i'm not going to think about it.

i am so so sick!
this cough is terrible
i'll die soon.

i feel as if i'm coughing my lungs out everytime
a few times, till i almost vomited.
YUCKS!

why like tat??
i feel like taking MC. but...
i feel weird if i dun go for lectures......
ARGHZ.
wat to do, my group is so hardworking.

are we really goin to the zoo and underwater world
as u've promised?
i hope so!
someone give me some blessings...
hahaha...

i am so weird.
i smiled and laughed too much.
i'm not like my normal self.
i'm weird.

took the train home.
and took the long long road home.
spent about 30 mins to walk that stretch.
i chose the longer route.
the wind was too good.
i love the breeze.

walking and listening to some songs.
was back in my memory lane for sometime.
that stretch of road...
the many memories, incidents that took place.
the ex-basketball court esp.
i can still remember, about 2 years back,
i was lying at the basketball court having a wonderfully relaxed time
playing with the dogs, chatting, and enjoying the breeze.

yesterday, i had a good time chatting with effendi
it's nice to sit down and talk.
talk about life, everything.
i love this.
then dear xp came over.
reason wasn't good, but i enjoyed talking to her.
the catch-ups was lovely.
and yes, friends forever, we'll be...

i have another wisdom tooth growing out
OUCH. YEAH. OUCH.
but before the OUCH part,
it's growth in the first place is making me sick

and it's 'sicker' then sick
compared to the previous wisdom tooth.
it jus brings me down.

i've been sniffing like a dog.
coughing like there's no tml.
well, i can't be bothered to see any doc.
the point here is,
i'm sick of life too.

i'm sick of my own life.
my way of handling things.
watever it is.
i'm washing my hands off.

slpy.
din have a gd nite last nite.
despite the many times u 'stood me up'
letting me wait for ur call after u said u'll call back...
last nite was the worse. it really was.

for the past few months...
i could jus fall aslp even though u said u'll call
but yesterday, no doubt i did slp.
but i wasn't completely slping
half-awake
waiting for my phone to ring.
was tossing and turning.
having stupid dreams.
till 6 am.
yeah. get that rite. 6 am
finally there's a message.
BUT...
it's from ah xiong. DUHZ.

wishing me good nite. well, tat's the time when i needed that the most.
after that, i tot i should go slp.
and yeah, i slpt. and woke up at 11+
still feelin slpy.
i think i'll go slp later.
watever it is, i know, next week, i'll call u again. = )

y everytime u go missing???
chat halfway and u go missing?!?!?!
i dun like tat!!!
i haven been talking to u!
maybe i should call u later.
or will u call me?
hAiz.

i'm now in shit crappy mood.
perhaps coz i studied one round for my mid term
tat's y i'm like tat.
but today, i am happy!
coz i finally see mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but am so sorry to stood up for early dinner!
SORRY! SORRY!! VERY SORRY!!!
but still, i'm elated to see u
hehehe...

i feel slpy.
most prob due to the amt of junk food i ate.
but i dun wan to slp YET.
i wan to continue to WAIT.
i will WAIT!

haiz.
i've been losing my stuff!
i lost my zip disk last yr in sch.
few weeks back, i lost my notebook
the one with my doggy pic in it.
damn. tat's a very impt pic to me!
and jus recently, i lost my floppy.
FUCK. how can i be so fucking careful huh?

irritated la.
anywayz, i miss one person very much.
she's none other than my mama!
mama: i haven seen u for like ages!!!! how are u? i miss u alot alot. i miss us goin to 'penthouse'!
i miss us goin to TM and walking around, visits to mango, i miss us goin to bookshop! i miss us slacking around! i miss us...... ALOT.
ooh.. yes of coz i miss everyone else....

interview sucks big time
i knew it.
predicted. but wat to do. that's jus me.

anyway, am so tired.
really tired.
physically and mentally.
i'm so troubled...
now i dun even know my stand.
everything is jus blurred.

"In love, you'll be changing your mind about one very special person."
an extract from 8 days issue 744 horoscope.

how true it is.
so true. even when i dun really believe,
it's jus too much of a coincidence.
btw, being a loyal reader of 8 days, i can tell u this...
8 days horoscope is pretty accurate.
at least for my case.
sighz.
what am i suppose to do?
there's nothing much.
WAIT is the only answer i have.
meanwhile, let me get through this extremely busy week first.
i smell a slightly relaxed week ahead jus before mid sem.
the tot of mid sem is jus so much of a relief to me.
with jus one paper and one online quiz.
thank goodness.

WoW.
i din know that i could get attached
without my consent and knowledge!

the rumours @ work are jus getting too far fetched!
me and kelvin?
HALO???
i spell i-m-p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e!
HAHAHA.

What's next?
Ah xiong and me izzit?
for gdness sake...
wat the heck. i can't be bothered.
i have enough to brood over now.

insufficient slp.
too much work.
too much probs.
jus only effendi will know what i'm talking about...

i'm veri stressed.
i got selected to be the interviewee
for comm skills.
had to dress up, make up (EEEEE),
go through that session itself...
it's jus hell.
i hate that.
WHY ME?!?

sad.
it's always the case
things u wan, u wun get.
things u never expected of,
always come right to your doorstep.

(warning: the post below contains extracts from author's brain juice. pls do not continue if you do not understand as any futher qns ask will not be entertained.)

White prince charming and black horse.
i always prefer the white.
i never even considered of the black.
but somehow,
the prince charming's destination is all up to fate.
i tot i wouldn't have felt this way,
but i was wrong.
after 2 mnths plus, i jus fell right into it.
and out of no where, a black horse came along.
leaving me all stuck.
i'm stuck.
i haven been talking to white for sometime.
i jus do not wan to think about this anymore for the moment.
i have enough to stress for.
comm skills, HR, tourism. big headache.

Irritated!
the photobucket exceed bandwidth!
wat the hell.
the created of this skin also din create a link for us to d/l the pics of those twinkling stars.
how am i suppose to support the pic on my own bandwidth?
irritated!

esp when i've found such a lovely skin.
i mean, the beautiful girl.
the gothic girl.
i love her.
hahaha...

Am in sch now.
staying for what?
i dun really hav a gd idea
but anywayz, i'm alrite with it

when i reach home, there's tonnes of things waiting for me to do!
Haven heard from you for few days.
wondering how are u doing?
have you found a job yet?

have been chatting with ah xiong recently
that joker...
i have no comments.
always goin ard askin ppl to marry him
oh yeah, i'm one victim.
haha. yeah. "married" to him already.
but i'm fine with it.. jus play along with him only.

watever.
hope the new boy wayne does not want to work anymore
so that i can ask my friend to work.
haha.. that's evil i know
but he's blacklisted by aunty already!
for not turning up for work.

i'm tired. goin home soon.
still having tonnes of stuff on my mind.
but jus can't or duno how or who to relate to.

i guess...
i'm really dying.