Saturday, October 22, 2005

another week has gone by...
i can't bear to post a new post.
the previous post really warmths my heart.
but... things dun always go they way u wan them to be...

it was hard for the past few days.
loggerheads with dear again.
for 3 days straight.
really bad.
thurs was the worse.
damn. THURS again.
i guess it's jinxed.
dear even wanted to move back the very next day.
in the end, he ensured that he WILL move out after new year.
i duno how things are goin to be. i dread the very day.
i've this xtremely heavy stone weighing me down everyday.

everytime i think of the day when he's gonna move back,
i feel extremely sad.
tears will well up automatically.
i'm so troubled.
i jus fear the coming of that very day.
i jus hope that time will stop.
really dun wan to lose him.
so afraid.
i know i can't have him by my side forever.
i know he has to return home one day.
but i jus bring myself to accept the fact that he's leavin me.
i'm hurtin' inside.
really i jus hope to have a happy and simple relationship wif him.
that's my only wish.
*sighz*
i wonder if there's anyone who can help me...
i wan to be the old me...

Thursday, October 13, 2005

haven been bloggin since the last sad post.
things have change slightly for the better.
today is thurs yet again.
everything's still great.

we made up after the quarrel in the late noon.
dear sort of 'forget' everything while i gave in and apologised.
and prepared something for him at nite...

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and

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and that made him repeated his thank yous like nobody's biz.

the rest of the days was work...
until mon, when dear went to get his bike...
and he came down all the way from home (hougang = my place)
to expo to fetch me...

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another angle...

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and i took an 'off-day' on tues.
we went pulau ubin as dear had promise last month.
although we did not camp, we had fun...

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his fren, J.K. posing for a pic after a tiring bicycle ride...

and we saw something interesting...
a dog which dear call 'ah wang' and now i too name it tat,
when to the sea to soak for while.
i guess the weather's too hot...
check the pics out...

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after soaking...

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we went fishin at the damn windy jetty...
u'll understand y...

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jus look at my hair!

and finally, one last pic,
which dear insisted to hav the pulau ubin sign board up there...
jus before we leave...

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Thursday, October 06, 2005

bloggin at expo.
my work place.
feelin v v v v sad.

jus had a tiff with dear again.
it's thurs again.
why is it always thurs.
it hurts alot.
really.

he said he's goin to meet J.K and B.X tonite.
this means that he's gonna be home really late.
it's his off day tml.
wat about me?
i got no off day.
he can go and enjoy all he wan.
hav all the fun he wan.
but i can't
i'm not upset about this.
i'm jus upset that he's goin to be home late
and u know, i wait for him everynite
wait for him to be home before i can slp.
i would try to wait for him.
stay up till he slp.
and we go to bed together.
but i'm really v tired.
there's not much time for me to rest.
i know many of u guys think that it's very silly for me to wait for him
why not jus go and slp first?
i duno.
i jus can't bring myself to slp when he's still outside.
it seems like i can't live w/o him
seems like i've lost my own self again.

everytime we had a fight, i fear
fear of him saying that he wanna move back
coz i can't bear to lose him.
he said he would move back early next year.
i need to prepare myself to get ready for this day to come.
i duno how am i goin to go about doin it.

i feel so stupid. so silly.
why am i like that.
he said that i kept naggin at him.
am i over domineering? i really care for him
very soon he'll be riding a bike. w/o license.
he'd paid deposit for the bike already.
i worry for his safety and all that. 24 - 7
i worry so much so for him. till i becum like that?
i feel like slapping myself awake.
he keeps saying that in the past, before he moved in,
we never quarrel. but now, we often do so.
am i really too dependent on him that i can't live my own life w/o him?
my heart is breaking as i type this post.
i'm silently tearing. to myself.
all i really asked for, is to have a happy relationship wif him.
i dun wan to nag either. it's jus that i wan him to be safe and sound.
i care bare to lose him.
i can't afford to.
i've endured through so many months of waiting.
since jan, feb, the new year, up till now.
i remembered telling myself that if i ever let go this time,
i will never ever turn back.
help. i'm lost.
completely lost. i really dun wan to lose him.
i know for 100% sure, i really do love him.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Finally i get off days after 3 wks of continuous working
straight after the exams.
But it was kinda unexpected.
i din wanted the off.
but my confirmation came a little too late.
tat's why i dun get to work this weekend.
sighz.
but it's not tat bad either.
at least i can recharge myself tml
that is sun.
coz from mon onwards, it'll be 0730 reporting time
at expo. till wat hours, i dun know.

anyway, went for on-campus session in the morning
and brunch wif the sem 2 groupie.
went to catch a movie wif dear at bugis after his work.
corpse bride. Nice. cute. lovely.
even dear said it's nice.
much better than wat he had expected.
after movie, went to do cleaning together and met up wif J.K.

soon after this i'm gonna hit the sack.
really tired already. Hopefully,
tml can slp for the whole day.
got some house work to do though...
still i must try to catch a gd nap in the noon
for mon's battle. coz dear will be back pretty late.
so, by slping in the noon, it compensates the waiting time lost!
hee... dear's been real exctied about getting his bike lately.
maybe in two weeks time he'll be riding.
hope everything turns out well...